


Lucky to be Irken (ZaDr)

by snakehands



Category: zadr - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 08:49:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8395246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakehands/pseuds/snakehands
Summary: Slight AU; Zim raises a neglected Dib as an Irken, then has problems when he grows up into the perfect enemy. No GIR. Disclaimer: It's ZaDr with mature contents.I don't own Invader Zim or any of it's characters.





	1. Chapter 1

Zim had landed on Earth a few months ago. As soon as his base had set itself up he had created a brilliant human disguise and began walking the streets every day – familiarizing himself with the city he would living in for the next several years as well as learning about the native inhabitants. He took mental notes of anything that piqued his interest, paying special mind to things that could be used as weapons against an alien invasion. He was not impressed with what he was learning about this planet and was already becoming frustrated with his assignment of preparing it for conquest.

Back on Irk Zim was exposed to violence and hostility on a daily basis and is a highly skilled fighter because of it. He had become so bored with these oblivious, complacent humans that he was itching for some form of conflict - any kind. Zim saw a particularly large and strong-looking human standing at a street corner. He walked up to him and deliberately kicked the man in the knee with his sturdy Irken boot. The man grabbed his knee and looked down at the shorter male – Zim didn't even come up to the man's shoulder. 

"Ow! You hurt my leg!" He cried. Zim grinned expectantly and shifted into a fighting stance. But the man just gave Zim a pathetically watery-eyed look, bottom lip quivering. An elderly woman came up to him out of nowhere and helped support him like a crutch and they shuffled off together. 

Zim stood there, still in perfect attack form, shocked at what had just happened. "I can't believe this." He muttered, then sulked away in the opposite direction.

Zim turned the corner and saw that he had come upon a park that he had never seen before. Disgusting Earth children were running around on the equipment, laughing and drooling and being disgusting. One fat child ran right into his leg then fell back onto the ground on his butt. Zim looked down at him impatiently and the child began crying loudly. Zim grimaced then noticed he was holding an ice cream cone – with no ice cream on it. Zim felt something cold on his thigh and calf and knew that goopy ice cream was now dripping down his pants and into his boots.

"Billy! What are you doing?" A woman yelled then grabbed the bawling boy by his wrist. She dragged him off towards the ice cream truck that was parked at the corner. Billy threw the ice cream cone without a further thought; it landed next to Zim's foot. 

"No apology." Zim muttered under his breath, not surprised. "Uncivilized humans. I hate it here."

He sat on a bench and took his boot off – holding it upside down so that the creamy substance could drip out. It had sour gumballs in it. "Why do humans make gumballs sour? What's wrong with them?" He grumbled as he discreetly cleaned up his clothes with different accessories located in his PAK.

Zim noticed in the corner of his eye that Billy was now running back toward him - with a double scoop ice cream cone in his hand now. Zim wasn't done cleaning his boot and really didn't want to walk on the dirt without shoes on. "Watch where you are going, worm baby!" He yelled, preparing to throw his boot at the hyper child's head. 

Another child suddenly darted out from behind a tree and tackled the chubby boy to the ground. After the two stopped rolling the new boy stood victoriously – holding Billy's treat in the air. Somehow the ice cream had stayed on the cone. The new child laughed malevolently in the fallen child's face then ran off. Zim smiled approvingly at the attack then to his delight the other boy ran back up to a still astonished Billy and kicked dirt into his face. Then he ran off again, messily licking on the ice cream cone as he went. Zim heard his mean laughing as he disappeared down the street and laughed heartily with him. Billy started crying again.

After that Zim started going to the park every day, and every day the aggressive boy was there. He had black, pointy hair and always wore black pants and a black jacket. He was very easy to locate since he was always running around the park terrorizing the other kids, even ones much older than him. He would target kids with food or toys that caught his fancy, which he would gleefully steal, or kids that were in his way on the equipment he wanted to play on. Zim was always very entertained when he watched this kid 'play' with the other children. Many of the parents gave Zim dirty looks when he couldn't stop his boisterous laughing at their children's expense.

Zim tried several times to approach the youth but the kid never let him get close. Zim could easily catch him if he used his PAK legs but wouldn't risk exposing his true identity. This kid is the only thing Zim had encountered on this planet that he didn't hate and he desperately wanted to know more about him. He was frustrated that he hadn't been able to catch the brat but also thrilled with the chase.

"Oh man, that kid's great." Zim laughed. He had just tried again, unsuccessfully, to chase the kid down. The brat had stuck out his tongue tauntingly and ran off making farting sounds. "Who's his parental unit?" He asked a woman sitting on a bench. She gave him a very disapproving look, rubbing the back of her bawling son (the boy's latest victim). It was actually Billy's mom but Zim didn't care to notice.

"No one has ever seen him with a parent." She grumped. "And he's a menace. They should send him to Juvenile Hall. Or the pound!" She then took her fat kid with her and started walking toward the ice cream truck. 

"Why do you keep bringing that sack of lard here if he can't handle a little playground bullying?" Zim remarked, lying casually on the bench she had just vacated. The insulted expression on her face when she looked back at Zim was priceless – Zim exploded into laughter once again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay, no more playing around. I'm getting that monkey today!" Zim chuckled to himself. He had arrived at the park right at dawn and stealthily approached a cluster of trees near the swing set. He plan was to hide in the trees until the kid came to swing, which he did often, and snatch him up when he swung high enough. Zim did not anticipate that the boy would be there, sleeping peacefully on the ground at the base of one of the trees.

Zim walked up to him confidently. The boy had balled up his jacket and was using it as a pillow. Zim took hold of the corner then ripped it out from under him. The boy's head fell to the ground and he made an unhappy grunting noise. It was still and calm for a moment as the boy opened his eyes but didn't move – his sluggish brain lagging in realizing that he wasn't alone. Zim dangled his jacket in front of his eyes. "I win." He taunted. 

The kid grabbed for the jacket but Zim easily pulled it out of his reach. He was on his feet in a flash and jumping around Zim, trying his best to reclaim his coat. Zim was surprised by the boy's tenacity, he was driven back a few steps when he almost lost his balance. 

"Hey!" Zim yelled. The kid didn't stop so Zim swiped his feet out from under him. The kid fell gracelessly to the ground on his front but was up again in a snap, this time climbing up Zim's body to get his coat. "What the?!" Zim uttered. He threw the kid down, pinning him with his foot. "STOP!" He yelled. The kid stopped struggling, breathing hard and scowling at the adult.

"Gimme my coat." He said fearlessly.

"You're like a wild animal." Zim remarked, smiling energetically.

"Gimme my fucking coat!" The boy repeated.

"What does 'fucking' mean?" Zim asked, unfamiliar with the word.

"It means you're a douchebag, I want my coat back now!"

"What's your name?" Zim countered.

"What's wrong with your face?" The boy returned. "Let me go!"

"You're very bold, little one." Zim snickered. "I like you." Zim removed his foot and dropped the coat on the boy's face. 

A few minutes passed and the boy did not move "Dib." He muttered from beneath the coat. "My name . . . is Dib." 

"Dib." Zim repeated, proud of his accomplishment: he had learned his adversary's name. 

"I am Irken – we all have green skin." Zim answered his question in return.

Zim didn't chase after Dib when he got up and ran off down the street. In fact, he waved at him but Dib didn't turn back to see it.


	2. Chapter 2

Zim was circling the perimeter, stalking his prey. He silently wove through the trees, approaching Dib who was sitting at the foot of the swings. He appeared to be resting. Zim had advanced enough so that the boy was just a few more paces away. The alien stopped behind a tree nearest to Dib and used his PAK legs to pull himself up into its branches. He peeked down through the leaves and saw Dib still sitting there, unaware he was in danger. 

Zim giggled in eagerness, crawling out just a little further on the limb. It proved to be a bad idea; when he shifted his weight on his hand that was gripping the branch it slipped on some greasy substance. With a grunt of surprise he dropped out of the tree and fell gracelessly right onto his back. 

"Ow!" He yelled, laying arched awkwardly over his PAK. He couldn't see the boy from the dirt but he could hear him celebrating his victory in the distance. 

"I win! I win!" Dib jeered. "I knew you'd climb the tree! Muwahahahahah loser!" 

"I'll get you tomorrow!" Zim called out as Dib ran off. Even though he was in a lot of pain Zim had a satisfied smile on his face – he was pleased that Dib was such a challenge to approach. It was more fun that way.

"Does that bad kid even have a family?" Zim heard some kid ask her friend in the sandbox.

"I hope not - would you want to be his mommy?" The other girl replied, shaking sand out of her doll's ratty hair.

Zim, still laying on his PAK, turned his head to the side to look at the two kindergarteners. "But then where does he sleep? Does he go to school?" The first girl, who Zim now saw had red hair, asked. 

"He doesn't go to my school." The second girl shrugged, then shoved her doll's head into the sand. 

Zim had been having so much fun the past two weeks playing with the Dib that he hadn't even thought about that. Irken young are fully functional and able to take care of themselves the moment they hatch. Zim had learned that human children were not so precocious – they needed to be taken care of for quite a long time. 

"All right, guess I'll have to place a tracking device on Dib-brat." He thought to himself, then got up gingerly and limped home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zim arrived at the park the next day a little later than usual. He had reported in with his Tallests earlier and since he been neglecting the information-gathering portion of his mission, because of his daily trips to the park, he had spent the morning effortlessly hacking into different government computer systems so that he had at least something to talk to them about. 

As he approached the park he noticed a group of people gathered near the street. He scanned the play area and didn't see the Dib. After that he trotted over to see if he was there.

And he was. Not only that but he was the center of attention. A policeman was holding Dib by the arm and talking to the group of people at the same time, writing down their statements. There was a bike on the ground and a bawling kid sitting next to it – obviously feeding off of the attention.

Zim audaciously walked straight through the crowd and stopped in front of the cop who was restraining his Dib. "Give me that!" He demanded and ripped Dib's arm from the cop's grasp. He immediately turned and started to walk away with him.

"Hey! You can't do that!" The empty-handed cop complained. "I'm taking him into custody."

"You dare to tell Zim he cannot do something!" Zim held up Dib's hand. "This is mine. You cannot have it."

"That's your son?" The cop asked, skeptical. 

Zim didn't know what the word 'son' meant – the Irken language didn't have a word for it so his universal translator didn't pick it up. The onlookers began to shout over each other insisting that there was no way that Zim was that boy's father. Zim was amused by their quarreling intrusion.

"Okay, everyone calm down." The officer said smoothly. "That boy is in a lot of trouble, Mister. I've been getting complaints about him for months. And just now he was caught stealing this kid's bike." The cop pointed to the crybaby sitting on the curb.

"He's in trouble for that?" Zim sneered.

"He stole it! Right from under that poor boy!" Some loud-mouthed mother butt in. "And he almost got away with it too!"

"Oh, I understand." Zim said and shook Dib by the arm. "How come you didn't get away with it?"

"I can't ride a two-wheeler." Dib grumbled under his breath.

"He crashed into a tree and I was able to catch him." The cop beamed.

"Ew. Well, next time be more careful!" Zim said to Dib. Zim picked up the bike by the handle and turned to walk away. "Come on." He called to Dib.

"Where do you think you are going with that?!" The cop yelled, reaching for his shoulder.

Zim easily evaded the human's grubby hand without even looking. "That is none of your business." Zim said dismissively. Dib's eyes sparkled with a new-found admiration for the Irken and began to follow Zim with the bike.

"You can't have that bike! And I told you I am taking that hooligan into custody!" 

Zim decided that he hated this cop. "I don't know what a 'hooligan' is but Dib did nothing wrong. This bike thing belongs to him now." 

"Stealing is wrong! You shouldn't encourage it!" A random parent yelled. The other people nodded in agreement.

"He fought for it because he wanted it, and he won. That makes him superior." Zim explained slowly, as if talking to idiots (which to him he was). 

"Sir if you don't cooperate I am going to have to arrest you." The cop threatened.

"Are you challenging me?" Zim half laughed, half hissed. The cop's confident expression became uncertain when he saw Zim's face: Zim's smile was just a little too wide, his gaze just a little too intense. The man shifted uncomfortably then pulled out his night stick from his belt and held it up.

"Ha!" Zim pushed the bike into Dib's hands and dropped into a familiar fighting stance. "I accept your challenge! Face me, security drone!" He yelled competitively. 

"Wha-!" The cop began but wasn't able to finish. Zim grabbed the man's wrist impossibly quick and turned it back on itself. He screamed in pain and dropped his weapon. Zim wasted no time in stooping to retrieve the baton, he cracked it against the cop's ankle before straightening up. The cop screamed and shifted his weight to the other foot. Zim spun around the bewildered officer and kicked down at the back of the man's knees. The sweating human cried out again and fell onto his back. This all happened in a matter of a seconds.

Zim crouched over him and dangled his baton above him mockingly. The man's face flushed red and he reached for something clipped to his shoulder. Zim saw the box he was reaching for, some type of primitive communication device, and smashed it easily with the stick. He then rapped it on the cops knuckles just for fun. The cop grunted in pain, shaking his bruised hand in the air. 

"I don't even feel good about winning this one." Zim said. He easily broke the night stick in two with his bare hands and dropped the two halves on the ground. No one dared to move as Zim left the circle. He took the bike's handlebars away from Dib, who was staring at the fallen cop, and simply walked away with it. Dib stared at the cop a little longer, the man was still lying where he had fallen, face puffy with humiliation and fear, then turned and happily chased after Zim.

"Hey, Zim." Dib whispered when he had caught up to him. Zim looked down at him questioningly. "I didn't want the bike." He finished.

Zim threw the bike down to the ground without stopping. His earsplitting laughter echoed after them the rest of the way home.


	3. Chapter 3

"Zim, you're so fucking cool." Dib said as soon as Zim walked in the door. The boy was lying on Zim's couch on his back with his head hanging over the side. He was watching something on Zim's very large and high-tech television set. Dib reached for his soda on the floor and accidentally knocked it over in the process. Immediately the house computer sent down a mechanical arm to clean it up.

"Zim knows this, you say that every day." Zim said and sat on the couch next to Dib. Dib rolled over and sat normally – leaning up against his new idol. 

"I mean it every day! You let me come over whenever I want and eat your snacks! I had jellybeans for dinner last night!" Dib said speedily, riding on a sugar high. "And I don't have to clean up after myself! I have no bedtime! And your TV gets channels I never even heard of!" Zim looked at what was playing and noticed it was a Plookesian movie. Dib had set the TV to automatically subtitle everything into English.

"Oh ya, I saw this. Shmoopty transcends at the end." Zim said absently, flipping through the newspapers he had brought home.

"Aww, you ruined it. Well I knew that was going to happen anyway, this movie is really predictable." Dib turned off the TV and grinned up at Zim. Zim could see him in the corner of his eye but tried to ignore it, scanning through the headlines for any useful information.

He finally could ignore it no longer, it was creeping him out. "Stop staring at me." Zim ordered. 

"What's your country called?" Dib asked, eyes sparkling in adoration.

"'Country' Irk." Zim giggled. "It's on Earth, you know." He clarified. 

"Say something in your native language!" Dib got up onto his knees looking at Zim expectantly.

Dib heard a beep come from nowhere then Zim growled something that kind of sounded like words and then clacked his teeth. The same beep from earlier sounded again when he went quiet.

"Wow, it's kind of like Klingon! What did you say?"

Zim decided not to ask what 'Klingon' was. "I said you ask too many questions, Dib-brat."

"Why don't you just call me by my name? You know without the 'brat' or 'filth' or something at the end?"

"That would be rude." Zim said. "It's not the Irken way to address someone so simply. How else would you know what I think of you?" 

"You think I'm bratty and filthy?" Dib asked.

"All children are filthy." Zim answered then got up. He tossed some papers onto the floor, which the house immediately incinerated, and took a few others with him into the kitchen. Dib hopped off the couch too and trailed after him. Zim opened the refrigerator, which was empty except for some sodas and sandwiches that Zim had picked up for Dib on a small shelf in the door, and stepped inside. When he turned to face front he saw Dib staring at him interestedly. "Either get in or step back, the door can't close with you standing there." Zim told him.

Dib shrugged then stepped into the refrigerator as well. Once the door closed the floor immediately began to descend. "It's an elevator!" Dib remarked, leaving smudges all over the walls when he started touching them. 

"Dib-klutz!" Zim said once the elevator stopped in his underground lab. Dib flinched a little and looked up at Zim, expecting to be scolded. "Don't break anything." Zim marched over to one of his gigantic computer monitors.

Dib smiled lovingly at the adult, thrilled that he hadn't been reprimanded or forbidden to explore. He immediately began touching everything he could reach, his curiosity exploding. Zim heard the beeps and clicks Dib made as he pushed buttons and turned levers and smiled to himself. He was impressed with Dib's inquisitiveness and independence.

"Oops!" Dib squeaked.

"Hmm?" Zim hummed, checking over some data from his scanners.

"I think I just . . . shot something . . . somewhere. I can't read this writing."

"Just ask Computer." Zim advised, only half listening.

"How?" 

"Just ask it." Zim repeated, slightly impatiently.

"Okay . . . what did I just do?" Dib asked the monitor.

"You shot a chicken into space." Computer answered. 

"A chicken?" Dib looked over at Zim to see if he was angry, but he was totally absorbed in his data.

"Will Zim be mad about that?" Dib quietly asked, this time looking up at the ceiling.

"That is what he got them for." Computer said.

"Zim has chickens so he can shoot them into space?" Dib asked.

"Just a few. It was for an experiment but then he forgot about them. There is only one left now."

Dib peeked over at Zim again. Zim was still completely focused on his computer readouts so Dib tiptoed up quietly. "Ziiiiiiim?" He sang out. "Can I have your chickeeeeeen?"

Zim straightened up and then looked down at the child. Dib gave the best puppy-dog eyed look he could.

"Why are you talking like that?" Zim asked. "And your eyes look weird."

"That's how kids ask for things." Dib said, still wide-eyed.

"If you ever ask me to voluntarily give you something of mine the answer will always be no." Zim turned back to his monitor and typed in a few commands. The monitors were suddenly full of different views of the city.

"But I want it." Dib whined. "You don't care about it anyway."

"Dib-pest." Zim said, looking down at the boy again. "Let me explain something: Irkens take whatever they want and keep it for themselves always, even if they don't want it. That chicken is mine."

"Well I'm going to take your chicken!" Dib replied. "I can be like an Irken!"

Zim peered at him through the corner of his eye. "Can you now?" 

Dib stuck his tongue out at Zim then dashed away. Zim could hear his little footsteps echoing down the hall. "That's my boy." He said then went back to his research.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you have nowhere else to go?" Zim asked Dib after he had stayed over three days in a row. They were both sitting on the couch in the living room, just relaxing and watching TV.

"I don't like going home." Dib answered. He was petting his new chicken that was resting in his lap.

"You are the appropriate age to attend school yet you never go. Are you not assigned to one?" Zim said.

"I don't like school." Dib replied, still paying more attention to his pet.

"I do not like your schools either. What 'grade' should you be in?" Zim asked, pulling some kind of controller out of his PAK.

"Third." Dib answered suspiciously. "Why?"

"I will not have a stupid Dib-parasite in my house. I will teach you what a child of level 3 needs to know." Zim typed in a few commands then watched the requested data scroll down his controller. His face contorted after a few seconds as if he had seen something disgusting. 

"What is this?" Zim yelled suddenly, shoving the device in Dib's face. His chicken clucked a few times and flapped her wings, unhappy with the disturbance. Dib smoothed out her feathers and she relaxed again. "Stupid chicken." Zim sneered.

"That's long division." Dib replied.

"Long di-vi-sion?" Zim seemed to be tasting the word. Obviously by the pinched look on his face he didn't like the flavor. He scanned the rest of the data and then put his device back into his PAK. "Well that is just ridiculous. I can teach you much better knowledge than that pathetic curriculum." 

"I don't care about math and reading." Dib said stubbornly.

"How do you expect to learn how to use my equipment if you can't read Irken?" Zim said. "I am not going to translate everything for you."

Dib stared at Zim, mouth open and drooling. Zim gave him a surprised, and disgusted, look. 

"You're so fucking cool! I love you!" The boy cried then jumped into Zim's lap, hugging him. The chicken clucked and flapped her wings again as she was crushed between them.


	4. Chapter 4

"Dib-student, it's time for your exam." Zim announced over the house intercom. "Meet me in the holo-lab." 

Dib had been hunched over his desk for hours – pouring over his notes and trying to cram every last detail into his brain. He had vowed from the very first day that Zim had begun tutoring him that Dib would try his hardest always. He was determined to please and impress his idol by excelling at everything Zim taught him. 

It had already been 5 years. Zim didn't mess around with his lessons - he did not lecture like in school, nor did he assign reading or homework; he left that up for Dib to figure out for himself how he chose to learn the material. Zim taught by first demonstration of technique then allowing Dib to try. Every few weeks he would construct an elaborate virtual simulation (often in the form of a battle) where Dib's progress was evaluated.

Dib's curriculum consisted mostly of hardcore math and sciences: astrophysics, physical cosmology, advanced calculus (variations, lambda and pi), astrology and computer and mechanical engineering, etc. He was also trained in several disciplines of Irken Martial arts and strategic combat. Then in his spare time he studied biochemistry and linguistics. His virtual tests were all about accessing his knowledge of these areas instantly and applying them to real-life (and often dangerous) situations. 

Dib stepped up to the dais where Zim stood. Zim had his chest puffed out proudly and seemed to be holding in a smile. Dib felt his heart flutter to see how happy his mentor was.

"You have a surprise." Dib said, it wasn't a question. "I can tell."

"Yes." Zim confirmed. "You only died three times on your last exam before you passed the program. That is very good." Zim announced dramatically. "Your brain-meats are strong, Dib-smart, but you show weakness in combat. Hold out your hands." Zim ordered. Dib did as asked, a lopsided grin on his face. Zim pulled something black out of his PAK and slipped it onto Dib's right hand. Dib gasped when he saw it was a glove just like the kind Zim always wore, only with five fingers instead of three.

"This is an Irken material. Your hands and wrists are full of lots of little bones that can easily break and come apart. This will protect them." Zim said. Dib moved his wrist around and felt that it did indeed feel reinforced. "This material is very strong, yet it stretches and breathes - it will grow with you."

"Oh wow, Zim, this is . . . " Dib tried to focus on what Zim was telling him but he was distracted by Zim's touch on his hand. A red blush began to creep across his face.

"Pay attention, Dib-flake." Zim said, Dib immediately looked into his eyes – then flushed deeper. "Your fingers are weak too and dull, rotate your wrist to the side sharply." Dib hesitated for a second, not wanting to stop gazing into his crush's eyes, but finally did as instructed. Three sharp blades shot out of the top knuckles of the glove (two from the top and one from the thumb side).

"Just like wolverine!" Dib declared. He slashed his hand through the air a few times. The blades were very thin and long but Dib could feel how strong they were. He suddenly felt deadly.

"No, just like me." Zim said and held up his own claw next to Dib's hand. It was indeed modeled after an Irken hand. "And this." Zim next pulled two black boots out of his PAK. Again they were just like the boots he wore. "Same material, no blades."

"Thank you, Zim!" Dib sat down to pull his new boots on. They were snug at first but just as Zim said they stretched to fit him perfectly. He felt his feet and ankles were now protected. 

"Today your exam is simple. Your assignment is . . . to touch me." Zim instructed. He clasped his hands behind his back and stood still.

"Just to touch you? Anywhere?" Dib confirmed. Zim nodded with a sly grin. Dib positioned himself exactly as Zim had shown him to during a fight and took a deep breath.

"You have thirty minutes. Begin." Zim said. Zim's relaxed posture didn't change but Dib felt his sharp gaze focus on him. Again he tried to not be distracted.

Dib's first attempt was a direct one – he ran at Zim as fast as he could and reached out. Zim easily evaded him, stepping in a half circle. He did not unclasp his hands.

"Assessing your opponent, good." He commented.

Dib smiled then whirled quickly, kicking his leg out. Zim stepped back casually. Zim jabbed his hand out and flicked his fingers across Dib's throat. "Don't leave yourself open." Zim corrected. Dib nodded, trying to ignore the heat on his neck that was spreading from Zim's touch. 

Dib spun around and ran at Zim as fast as he could, throwing punches and kicks as he went. Zim dodged each one so fast he almost looked like a blur. "How can he move so fast?" Dib wondered. Dib felt optimism when it appeared as if he had pushed Zim back far enough that he could corner him against the wall but the older male just jumped high over Dib's head in a flash. Before Dib could turn around he felt Zim's hands run down his hips from behind. "Elongate your legs." Dib jerked out of Zim's grasp and spun around, his pants suddenly felt tighter in the front. "Your form is good but your kicks are too stiff!" Zim continued. 

"It's your fault I'm 'stiff'." Dib thought to himself. He cleared his throat and shifted his stance to try and hide his bulge from his mentor.

"Dib-sloth, you are too slow – a frontal attack won't work." Zim offered, again clasping his hands behind his back. "Try something else."

Dib thought of a brief moment and changed tactics. Dib snapped his left wrist and the blades ejected. He tore the glove off and threw it at the wall next to where Zim was standing. Zim cocked his head slightly as he watched the blades stab into the wall next to him. Sparks immediately erupted from the damaged wall and Zim was thrown off-balance. Zim teetered for a moment and Dib used the distraction to circle around to his adversary's side. This time he closed in low – using his momentum to slide up to Zim from the ground. Dib thought he finally had a chance to get close enough to touch Zim's foot. It wasn't graceful but a tag is a tag. At the last moment though Zim regained his balance and grabbed the glove out of the wall. He twisted his foot just out of Dib's reach and shoved the knives right in Dib's face as he came to a stop at Zim's feet.

"Stop holding back." Zim said, then wiped a smoking piece of wall off of his shoulder. He dropped the glove onto the ground before Dib. 

"You still have twenty five minutes." Zim announced. "Would you like me to be blindfolded?" He teased. 

Dib's arousal had gone away and was replaced by determination. It was frustrating him that Zim had the audacity to stand so carelessly close to him, close enough for him to reach but never giving him the opening. Any attempt Dib made and Zim slightly changed his posture just enough that Dib came back empty-handed; with a slight dipping of his shoulder or twist of his hips. He didn't even look at Dib as he outmaneuvered him.

Finally Dib decided to forgo his training, he just wanted to tag that arrogant bastard! He spit on Zim's shoe. Zim looked down at it reproachfully and Dib swung his open hand at Zim's head, the one without the glove. Zim's hand flew up and caught Dib's at the wrist. "That's disgusting." He said then bent Dib's wrist back. Dib's knees buckled and he sank to the floor.

"Never draw attention to your weaknesses, Dib-prey. Are you wearing a cup?" Zim raised his foot and smiled wickedly. Dib wrenched his arm out of Zim's grasp and back-pedaled away from his scary foot as quickly as he could. Dib was sweating and panting with effort, Zim was completely calm and relaxed. 

"I can't catch you. I'm done." Dib conceded.

"You have seven more minutes." Zim replied. 

"I'm tired and I'm just going to get slower and more irritated. You beat me." 

"Unacceptable. Try again." Zim said. "It is un-Irken to quit." 

Dib looked up into Zim's fierce, violet eyes. They both knew from the beginning that Dib had never stood a chance against Zim yet the look in Zim's eyes wasn't disappointment, nor was it mockery. Dib saw in them sincerity - Zim genuinely wanted Dib to win, to learn and to get stronger. 

"Never give someone else control of your fate." Zim said pointedly.

"But I know I can't win. He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day."

"What a dookie thing to say. There is a difference between tactical retreat and surrender. In this scenario retreat is not an option. If you surrender to me the decision of your fate I choose torture, then execution." Zim said ominously. "Computer, restrain him." Cables descended from the ceiling and wrapped themselves around Dib's slim frame. They squeezed in tightly and pulled him above Zim, suspending him off of the ground.

"You're kidding, right?" Dib scoffed. Zim did not laugh with him, in fact this time his eyes did show disappointment. Dib hated to see that look on Zim's face and squeezed his eyes shut to block out the sight. "Never trust anyone, Dib-fail. I am entirely loyal the Irken Empire and my leaders. Everything I am and everything I do is for that." Zim snapped his fingers and the cables let Dib go then rose back up to the ceiling. "Without that there is nothing." Zim turned and walked away. Dib just stared at the floor in front of him, too ashamed to look at Zim. Right before the door closed behind him Zim hit his hand against the door frame. Dib looked over to see why and noticed that there was a timer there that he hadn't seen before. Zim had hit the stop button and it now read '5:02 minutes remaining'. He had failed this challenge.


	5. Chapter 5

Dib was in his room, practicing his fighting forms over and over. He had been at it for hours and was now dripping in sweat. He was replaying his exam over and over in his head, torturing himself with his failure. He never wanted to disappoint Zim ever again.

"Dib-bot, I told you that your forms are perfect." Zim said from the doorway. Dib did not stop.

"I need to get stronger. Faster." Dib said determinedly. "I can do better."

Zim walked into the room and sat on the bed. "I wouldn't normally interfere with your training but doubting yourself serves no purpose. The problem is that you didn't take the right exam." Zim told him. 

Dib faltered in his routine then stopped altogether. "What?"

"The lesson was not about fighting - you cannot win against me hand-to-hand." Zim said. Dib rubbed his neck with a towel and sat on the bed next to Zim. 

"Then why was the exam a fight?" Dib asked.

"Dib-stink, I never said you needed to fight me; I said you needed to touch me. You chose to take a fighting approach to it. That was your mistake, you should have known right from the beginning you could not succeed that way." Zim explained.

"How was I supposed to touch you otherwise?" Dib said urgently, scooting closer to Zim. 

"Irkens do not make assumptions - people will always prove you wrong. The lesson you were supposed to learn was how to think creatively, how to switch tactics as they fail and to never - never - give up until you get what you want or die in the process." 

Dib nodded, feeling even more useless. "I'm sorry, Zim." He said quietly.

"Don't you dare show me weakness - I do not appreciate it." Zim warned, immediately recognizing Dib's defeated posture. "Apologies mean nothing - show me that you recognize your mistakes and learn from them."

Dib straightened his back, putting on a very confident expression that he did not feel. Zim knew it too but nodded in approval of his bravado. "Zim . . . can I touch your hand?" He said. 

"No." Zim answered, expression unreadable. 

Dib decided to try a different approach. "Hold out your hand." He said in the strongest voice he could. Zim did as told and Dib grabbed Zim's hand into his own. Zim's stern face softened subconsciously. Dib had noticed that Zim was acting more nurturing of him lately than usual and he wasn't sure what it meant. His heart began to pound in his chest.

"You passed." Zim congratulated him.

Dib put his fingertips against Zim's cheek tenderly. Zim's expression went from satisfaction to one of puzzlement at the touch, he cocked his head slightly at looked questioningly into Dib's eyes. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"An American custom." Dib answered. "Close your eyes." It almost appeared that Zim would refuse but then shrugged and did so, showing his uncharacteristic trust in the boy. Dib quickly swooped in before he could talk himself out of it and pressed his lips to Zim's. It lasted only a brief instant before Zim pulled back in shock.

"What was that?" Zim yelled.

"A kiss." Dib answered, red-faced.

Zim waited a few beats for the boy to continue but he didn't. "What does it mean?" Zim demanded, his voice tinged with anger.

"It means . . . a lot of things." Dib evaded. 

"Why did you do it?" Zim asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Dib was feeling so many emotions at the same time it was overwhelming and he just wanted to be alone so he could pull himself together. He knew Zim would always respect conviction so he answered. "Because I wanted to." Narrowing his eyes back. 

"Don't ever do it again." Zim hissed then walked out of the room, back to his underground lab and mysterious experiments he never lets Dib see.

Dib's heart was racing. "I can't believe I kissed him." He said to himself, pressing his fingers to his lips. "And he didn't kill me." 

Dib put his hands to his face in despair. "That wasn't supposed to happen." He cried. "It wasn't supposed to be real." He buried his face in the bed and finally stopped denying his feelings to himself. "It's not just a crush. I'm really in love with Zim." He said to no one.


	6. Chapter 6

Dib was on the couch waiting for Zim to come home. Lately Zim had been spending a lot of time away from home, sometimes for several days, and Dib didn't know where he was going or what he was doing. He had asked once and Zim had just completely ignored him. 

Dib had no way to know when Zim would return so he just tried to relax and watch TV. He smoothed out Chicky's feathers as she sat on a pillow next to him on the couch. She was very old now but he still showered her with affection like he did as a child. "I wish I had been more creative with naming you when I was eight, Chicky." He told her. She shook out her feathers when he stopped stroking her and tucked her head under her wing.

"The news is so depressing." Dib said out loud. "That's the third reservoir that they found contaminated this year. If they don't find something that will identify the toxin and neutralize it it's going to end up in our rain water." Dib told Chicky. She gave him a sleepy cluck of acknowledgement, used to her human talking to her over the years.

The door opened and Zim walked through. He saw Dib on the couch and smiled softly at him. Dib felt butterflies in his stomach when Zim looked at him like that. 

"Zim, write me a letter of recommendation!" He yelled in his eagerness. 

"I am right here, Dib-shriek, I can hear you just fine." Zim rubbed the side of his head grumpily. "And a recommendation for what?" 

"Acceptance into the Metaphysics Department at College University! I already talked to the Head of the Department and he said it is likely I can have a spot if I submit two letters of recommendation." Dib said rapidly, Zim had to pay very close attention to his words to understand what Dib had just said.

"Metaphysics? I didn't know you had such interests." Zim pointed out.

"Well ya, we watch Mysterious Mysteries together every week don't we?" Dib reminded him.

"Oh, that's not a comedy?" Zim walked into the kitchen and stepped into the refrigerator elevator. Dib stood and followed him down to the main lab. 

"No!" He laughed. "Just make sure you make me sound really smart and play up your credentials too so it looks impressive." Dib instructed.

"Make you sound smart, huh? So I have to lie?" Zim teased.

Dib looked at him incredulously until he saw the tug of smile on Zim's lips. "Since when did you develop up a sense of humor?" Dib teased right back.

"I am a master of many things, My-Dib." Zim boasted. Dib loved it when Zim called him that; it meant he didn't have anything negative to say. Dib turned his head when he blushed bright red, pretending to look at the computer readouts that were always scrolling by in a different language Zim would never teach Dib. 

"Define 'credentials' in Irken." Zim said to Dib as he sat down by his keyboard so he could begin the letter. Dib leaned against the monitor next to him, thrilled that Zim had decided to start working on it so quickly. Dib did as asked and Zim nodded his satisfaction – he often would randomly quiz Dib in this way. He began typing much faster than would be expected of someone with only three fingers on each hand.

Just a few minutes later Zim printed the letter and handed it over to Dib. Dib scanned it and smiled goofily, "Wow, Zim, you really think this highly of me?" 

"Of course, Zim would not lie." Zim replied. 

"Thank you." Dib said quietly. Zim seemed to feel a little awkward at Dib's tone, he cleared his throat.

"Now I have work to do." Zim stood up and walked over to the elevator that led down to the lower labs. The computer would only allow Zim onto that one, and whenever Dib had tried the computer had no qualms about throwing him across the room or shocking him when he touched the number pad to try and break the code.

"Zim?" Dib asked before he could stop himself. 

"Yes?" Zim asked, turning his head slightly.

"What's in that pod you always wear on your back?" He asked. 

"Such a strange thing to ask." Zim evaded.

"I actually have a lot of questions like that. I never thought anything of it when I was a kid but, you're really different." Dib said. 

"And that is not okay?" Zim said testily.

"No it's not that, it's just . . . I guess I want to know more about you." Dib trailed off.

"You have basically lived with me for thirteen years. I'm sure you know plenty about me by now." Zim turned back to the elevator. "In fact you know too much." 

"Zim, you know how I feel about you, right?" Dib persisted.

"Why are you bringing this up now?" Zim growled."I just told you I have work to do, do not keep me from it any longer." With that Zim punched in the number code and stepped into the elevator. He didn't turn around as he dropped down under the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib had put Chicky in the backyard and was now sitting on his bed, re-reading the letter for the hundredth time.

"You know Master gets angry when you pry into his personal matters." Computer suddenly said to him. It was unusual for Computer to start a conversation, especially one like this.

"I just got carried away. He was in such a good mood and I didn't expect this letter to be so . . . I just . . . I know, I'm stupid." Dib signed and fell down onto the bed. He reached over and put the letter gently onto the side table along with his glasses and black gloves that he always wore.

"Computer, please tell me what he's doing right now." Dib pleaded. Sometimes Computer would tell him a little bit about what Zim does in his forbidden labs. It was never anything about his research, but just hearing that Zim was working or resting or anything really made Dib feel calmer.

"Master is currently downloading data into my memory log." Dib slipped under the covers. 

"Is he still angry?" Dib asked.

"His posture does not indicate anger."Computer answered. "In fact, he appears to be quite pleased with his experiments." 

Dib smiled and sighed, just thinking about Zim being happy always made him feel aroused. He ran his hand down the front of his pants.

"What else will you tell me?" Dib said while unbuttoning his fly.

"Not much." Computer said, sounding amused.

"Is he standing or sitting?" Dib asked, dipping his hand into his underwear and pulled his stiffening member out. 

"Master is currently sitting. He is very focused on what he is reading on the monitor." Computer told him. 

"He's so cute when he's focused." Dib said thickly, he licked his finger then circled around the head of his dick with it. "Does he ever take off his gloves?"

"Yes, but rarely." 

Dib began to stroke his wet finger up and down his own shaft. "Are his hands green too?" 

"Master is green all over." Computer confirmed.

"Mm." Dib moaned as he squeezed his cock and started pumping it slowly. 

"Tell me something about his past." Dib slurred. 

"Master is the shortest adult Irken on record, however his fighting skills are unmatched."

Dib started imagining Zim going through forms. He imagined smooth green skin bending and stretching as he punched and spun. Dib's breathing sped up considerably when he started imagining the kicks as well.

"He is very flexible, isn't he?" Dib said, his voice hitching in his throat. He started thrusting his hips into his hand, the pre-cum leaking out kept his cock nice and slick as his hand glided over it.

"He just stood up, something has caught his eye." Computer said. "He is leaning over to look closer at my monitor."

"Oh God." Dib moaned. He squeezed his eyes shut and jerked himself faster. He felt his stomach muscles begin to clench and licked his lips. 

"Would you like me to knock something onto the floor so he has to get on his hands and knees to retrieve it?" Computer offered.

"Ah!" Dib cried as he came into his hand. When his orgasm finally passed he lay on the bed, panting and spent. 

"I guess that's won't be necessary." Computer joked. 

"Shut up." Dib replied, slightly embarrassed but feeling very relaxed.


	7. Chapter 7

"Zim, I was accepted!" Dib yelled and burst through the elevator into Zim's main lab. He located the small Irken and immediately sped over to him and enveloped him in a spinning hug. 

"Of course you were. You are superior to every student in that school." Zim said, struggling out of Dib's arms.

"Look at all of this cool stuff!" Dib dropped his backpack to the ground and opened it up. He began pulling out several textbooks to show to his Guardian. The books all had pictures of paranormal phenomena on them, such as ghosts and vampires.

"I had to choose a specialty so I chose Abnormal Research and Cryptozoology! Look at this book!" Dib snatched the book Zim was holding out of his hands an opened it up to a random page. There was a picture of some type of dog creature on it. 

"What is that?" Zim asked, intrigued.

"It's a Chupacabra! And here is a section on werewolves!" Dib continued to flutter through the pages and babbling non-stop about each creature he passed. 

"Oh and here's a book specifically about UFOs!" He pulled out a huge book that had a picture of a grey alien with large black eyes on it. Zim blanched when he saw it but in his enthusiasm Dib didn't notice. 

"What do you do with the knowledge in these books, Dib-spaz?" Zim asked nonchalantly pushing the UFO book further away from himself.

"Part of my internship is hunting these things with my Mentor, Dr. Horvitz. His specialty is aliens. I don't have to take ufology for my major but he teaches the class so I enrolled in it." 

"Hunting? You eat them?" Zim said skeptically.

"What? No, 'hunt' as in catch them - so we can study them. You know, for science!" Dib declared. 

"Check this out. 'Paranormal science is the noblest of callings because it directly impacts the human condition unlike any other field of study'." Dib read aloud from the book he held. "'Proof that we are not alone in the universe would be the greatest discoveries of all time and have immense meaning for our lives'! Look at this chapter on alien autopsies!"Dib began searching through the pages to show Zim what he was talking about but Zim quickly put his hand over Dib's to stop him.

"I understand." Zim replied, head lowering slightly. "Congratulations, Dib-smart." Again Dib overlooked Zim's sudden mood change as he started shoving the books back into his bag. 

"I'm going to go look through these in my room!" Dib yelled and ran into the elevator. Zim watched him silently as he rose out of sight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zim was stalling. He needed to go out for a few days but Dib was in the main lab studying. Ever since Dib had started going to that cursed school whenever he saw Zim he would bombard him with questions about anything and everything. 

"Computer, create an elevator that goes straight from here to the hangar." Zim ordered.

"You want me to do it right now when the Human is in the lab?" Computer asked. 

"Irk damnit! No, create it as soon as he leaves though." Zim grumbled. He couldn't wait any longer - there was no choice but to take the elevator to the main lab then transfer to the refrigerator elevator to take the rest of the way up to the attic. He popped in his scratchy purple contacts and rose up into the main lab with an anticipatory scowl on his face.

Immediately Dib swiveled around in his chair to face Zim. "Zim, Come look at this." He said while waving him over. 

"Dib-pest I don't have time for a million questions today." Zim complained but walked over anyway. "What do you want?"

"Could you look over my calculations? I am trying to figure out what the toxin in this water sample is but I just can't quite seem to figure it out. I think I'm close though." Zim scanned the paper with Dib's math on it and blinked in surprise; he looked over at the sample and saw that there were many different buffers and reagents scattered around it that he had been mixing with it. Zim's tried to swallow but his mouth was dry – Dib had figured out the chemical properties of the toxin Zim had been using to poison the water supply with, he just didn't realize it yet. Even worse was if he added a few drops of one of the reagents Zim saw on the table it would precipitate out and he would have a pure sample of it for direct analysis.  
Zim opened his mouth to tell Dib his calculations were wrong and to start again then closed it. He then thought about telling him to add a chemical to the sample that he knew would destroy the substance but again he just couldn't say it. He looked at Dib's haggard face; he'd seen that expression so many times before. Dib was tenacious to a fault and he would not rest until he figured out what he wanted to know and Zim was the one who made him that way. Zim turned on his heel and walked to the elevator. Silently he entered it and rode it up to the hangar.

Dib sighed and turned back to his project once he was alone again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You should have destroyed that sample." Computer said to him through the Voot Cruiser's communication system. "The Tallests would not be pleased."

"I know but I just . . . I couldn't do it." Zim replied. "I couldn't lie to him when he had worked so hard . . ." 

"He's going to catch you, he's already tried to hack into me several times to see what you are doing. His intelligence and the education you gave him will be your downfall."

"Shut up." Zim hit the silence button and sighed heavily. "What's wrong with me?" He said to no one and rubbed his shoulders with his hands. He closed his eyes. "I am an Elite Irken Invader, I cannot let some stupid Earth child distract me from my mission. Everything I am and everything I have done here is for the Irken Empire and My Tallests." Zim seemed to be trying desperately to convince himself that he still believed this. "I cannot –" Zim took a deep breath and opened his eyes determinedly. "I WILL not disappoint my Tallests." He vowed then increased his speed to his destination. 

The small purple and gray spaceship landed silently on the edge of the sand. Zim stepped out cautiously under cover of darkness and approached the waters of the Pacific Ocean, carrying several large containers of a purified alien toxin with four grapplers that were protruding from the PAK on his back. This would be the last body of water he would poison. Zim had engineered this chemical to utilize water as a catalyst – it would spread throughout the entire oceans in a manner of days. With a body of water this large the toxin would enter the ground water as well as the rain water and affect the entire planet. After this he would set into action all of his plans that he had been developing for the past thirteen years he'd been on this planet, leaving it helpless against the Armada when it arrives in a mere three weeks. After this there was no going back.

"For the Irken Empire." He said then threw the containers into the sea.


	8. Chapter 8

"So, Dib, what were you able to find out about that water sample I gave you?" Dr. Horvitz asked his star pupil. 

"I figured out the chemical properties of the toxin and I have a sample!" Dib pulled a notebook out of his backpack with his calculations on it as well as a glass vial with a small amount of pink powder in it. Dr. Horvitz beamed.

"I knew you would be able to do what our scientists could not. This is excellent, Dib. So what is it?" 

"It's like nothing I've ever seen – it replicates in water at an amazingly fast rate." Dib handed the vial over to his professor.

"Okay so now that we know what it is, sort of, how do we neutralize it?" 

"I don't think we can. Like I said it's not made from anything on our Periodic chart of elements, it probably can't be neutralized with anything on Earth." Dib said, still proud of his discovery.

"That is not good news, look at this." Dr. Horvitz said and played a clip of video on his computer for Dib to watch. It was a news report. The reporter was standing on the beach somewhere, completely gowned up in a Tyvek suit. She had a small microphone that could be seen inside of her face shield which she was talking into.

"The poison that has been contaminating reservoirs throughout the world has found its way into our oceans. This substance is extremely dangerous - it is lethal to all forms of life. Do not come into contact with any non-bottled water. Stay indoors if it is raining or even foggy in your area. Do not use any tap water. President-man has mobilized military units to distribute Tyvek suits, like the one I am wearing, to citizens who live in the following areas . . ." Dr. Horvitz clicked the stop button with his mouse.

Dib gaped at the footage – behind the reporter were several dead bodies of fish and other sea life that had washed up on the shore. Even the plants in the distance had large areas of their foliage that were brown and dead. 

"What is going on?" Dib found his voice several moments after the video clip ended.

"It's strange that you said that nothing on Earth will neutralize this compound." Dr. Horvitz said, holding the vial up to look at the powder. "I suspect this has been caused by extra-terrestrials." Dr. Horvitz spread out a few pictures on the table for Dib to see. "These were taken from an observatory in California that belongs to the Swollen Eyeball Network." The pictures showed a dark smudge against a background of the night sky. 

"They tried to clock it but it's going faster than any aircraft known to man – if you look close at the front you can distinctly see the outline of a windshield and two nacelles." Dr. Horvitz explained. Dib's eyes widened in amazement and horror. "We were not able to trace its path." Dr. Horvitz said before Dib could ask.

"We need to send this to the media – to the President!" Dib sputtered.

"We already have." Dr. Horvitz said quietly. 

"They didn't believe you." Dib said when he saw his professor's expression. It wasn't a question.

"That is the frustration of this field of study. I will send off some of your sample and calculations to Professor Membrane, as well as the Swollen Eyeballs and hopefully they can find something helpful."

Dib nodded, trying not to feel disheartened but the spread of this toxin and the photo of the spacecraft had left him very troubled.

"There's one more thing, Dib." Dr. Horvitz said gravely. "Follow me."

He led Dib outside and over to a fenced off area that had quite a few cranes and tractors on it. He unlocked the gate and took Dib inside. "This area was just a field until a few months ago when they started excavating for a new wing." Professor Horvitz stopped at the edge of a ditch. "They found this underground." He looked over at his student.

"What is it?" Dib warily eyed the object but couldn't help his curiosity piquing. It was a small machine, about the size of a toaster. It was purple and gray but had a strange red triangular-shaped insignia on the side. "What does that symbol mean?" Dib asked.

"We don't know. We also don't know what it does or why it is here or even how long it has been here. It won't let anything get near it – it's putting out some kind of electric field around itself." Dib looked at the dirt around the device and saw several dead bugs. "The excavator stopped working as soon as it dug this thing up. The police said it is a landmine and blocked off the area." 

"That's no landmine." Dib assessed. "Do you think it's from the aliens too?" His teacher did not reply. "That's a yes." Dib muttered to himself. Dib set down his backpack and pulled his laptop out of it. He had a little information-gathering device that he plugged directly into his computer. It looked very much like a tiny satellite disk. As soon as he pointed to the machine it sparked and his computer went dark. Dead. "Do we know if there are any others?" Dib turned to his teacher and asked.

Dr. Horvitz shook his head. "Something very bad is about to happen, Dib." Dr. Horvitz predicted. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on, Computer, why won't you help me?" Dib practically whined. He had been trying for the past two hours get the computer to help figure out how to neutralize the deadly powder he had isolated from the water sample.

"You are not authorized to use me for your own enjoyment." Computer said apathetically.

"Enjoyment? This is the fate of the world I'm talking about! You are a much more advanced computer than any other I know of, just scan this powder and tell me how to detoxify it!" Dib ordered, still clicking at the keyboard, stubbornly trying to hack in.

"Access denied." Computer said for the millionth time it seemed.

"Computer! I order you to scan this!" Dib demanded, irritated.

"Access denied." Computer responded.

"Where the fuck is Zim?" Dib yelled.

"Access denied." Dib and Computer said together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I can't believe I'm doing this. Zim's gonna kill me when he gets back." Dib murmured to himself. He had gone back to campus and used the University's computer to engineer a virus since his laptop was now unusable. He brought the flash drive he had loaded his work onto down to the elevator he was not authorized to use, the one that led to Zim's forbidden labs. 

"I won't touch anything or mess anything up, I just want to see if he has any equipment or chemicals I can use to counteract the toxin." Dib told himself. "I could ask him directly if he hadn't been gone so long so it's his own fault I had to break in . . . yeah."

Dib quickly ran up to the door and slipped the flash into the port before the computer could stop him. A grappler began to race toward him from the ceiling but halfway there it spasmed then stopped short. It just hung limply, swaying slightly. Dib quickly pried open the elevator doors and slipped inside.

"Unauthorized entry!" The computer said. The lights started flashing and a very loud alarm blared. 

Dib looked at the buttons on the pad and saw that there were actually several floors below the main lab. "Computer, which floor has all of Zim's chemicals?" Dib asked.

"Get out! What did you do to me?!" The computer's voice sounded very upset. "Initiating system scan!" 

"I can fix it, don't worry!" Dib answered. "I just need to look through Zim's labs!" He pushed the button that indicated the lowest floor. Since Computer would be no help he decided he'd just work his way up one floor at a time.

"Abnormality detected, initiating system purging." Computer announced. 

"Shit!" Dib said, not anticipating such a quick response to his virus.

The elevator stalled and Dib lost his balance and crashed to the floor. He got up onto his hands and knees, shaking his head to clear it. His felt his blood run cold when he saw he was kneeling over the same red, triangular-shaped symbol painted on the floor as he had seen on the mysterious box at school earlier. 

"System repaired – operating at 100% capacity. Ejecting intruder." 

The elevator rose back up instantly and stopped at the main lab. The door opened and grappler that had been useless before now grabbed Dib around the middle and flung him out onto his face. He landed with a thud onto the floor, still in shock at what he had seen. He opened his eyes and saw two black boots standing right in front of him. 

"Zim?" Dib said and looked up into his mentor's face.


	9. Chapter 9

Everything came crashing into Dib's head all at once. All of the peculiarities Dib had noticed about Zim over the years but never allowed himself to think about too deeply – green skin, three clawed fingers, no nose, never eats or sleeps, hair doesn't grow, highly advanced technology, sharp pink teeth, the matching alien symbols. Those damned matching symbols!

Dib stood and looked down at Zim, silently imploring him to deny it. To tell him what he was thinking was wrong. But when Zim looked up at him his expression was a little bit sad.

"You're here to destroy my planet?" Dib asked quietly, still in shock. Zim nodded, not breaking eye contact with the human. "Why?"

"It is my mission." Zim replied simply.

Dib closed his eyes and dropped his head. Zim waited for Dib to come to the conclusion he would inevitably come to.

"We're enemies." Dib said firmly and looked up at the person who had been more of a father to him than Membrane ever was. The person he had been in love with for the past 8 years. His eyes hardened with the betrayal. Zim saw the change in Dib's face and demeanor as he said this and accepted it. 

"Tell me what's in that box." Dib demanded, stepping forward aggressively. Dib was too upset to notice that Zim did not step back or take any kind of defensive posture whatsoever at his advance. He stood calmly and confidently.

"What box?" Zim said innocently.

"You know what box. The one that was found underground at my campus. How many more are there? What do they do?" Dib kept advancing slowly, becoming angrier with every step. Zim merely smirked and shrugged his shoulders. 

Dib's temper snapped and he charged at the smaller male. Zim didn't move as four long, sharp spider-like legs rose out of his PAK and spread out threateningly above his head, each sharp tip pointing directly at Dib. Dib skidded to a halt in horror. It finally really clicked in his head that Zim is an alien. He really is. And now they really were enemies.

Dib began to back up toward the elevator, not taking his eyes off of his nemesis.

"You'll never get away with it, Zim! I'm going to expose you for the horrible alien menace that you are and scoop your insides out!" Dib said bravely.

"I knew the day would come when I would have to kill you, human." Zim stepped forward for every step Dib took back. Dib had never seen Zim's face look so evil and it broke his heart. Dib feigned as if he was going to run to the elevator but instead when Zim moved to intercept he used the diversion to kick Zim's feet out from under him. Zim fell back but his PAK legs reflexively shot out to catch him. Dib used that second to dash into the elevator. He didn't look back as he rose to the main level, then dashed out of the house as quickly as he could. He ran straight to the college.

"Computer." Zim said calmly. "Activate nanites." Zim watched Dib disappear down the street on his viewscreen. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Professor Horvitz!" Dib screamed as he almost crashed into the desk in his office. The professor had a scowl on his face as he was fiddling with his computer. "I know where the alien is!" Dr. Horvitz looked up in amazement.

"That's wonderful but – "

"Tell the Swollen Eyeballs to get over there now so we can catch him!" Dib continued.

"Dib, I can't contact them." Dr. Horvitz had to raise his voice so Dib could hear him. It took a second for Dib to process what he had said. "There is something wrong with the internet."

"We can use the computer at my Dad's house, come on!" Dib turned to run out the door but the Doctor grabbed his arm before he could.

"No, Dib, not the internet here. I mean the entire internet. It's been disabled all over the world." Dr. Horvitz pointed to a television set Dib hadn't noticed in the corner of his office. Dib took a few moments to listen to the report then swallowed thickly. 

"Apparently the damage is growing incredibly fast. Something is eating the electric and optical communication channels and disabling the network from the inside." The professor explained.

"I can't believe he's really doing this." Dib said quietly. "Can't you call the SEN?" Dib asked desperately.

"They can only be contacted online. I don't have a number or any names." Dr. Horvitz admitted. 

"We'll go to the police. I won't say he's an alien, they can see for themselves when they catch him." Dib ran out the door. 

"He won't be so easy to catch, my friend." Dr. Horvitz said quietly. He sat back behind his desk and picked up the phone to call some colleagues. There was no dial tone. 

"Shit." He spat then threw the receiver onto the floor.

Two hours later Dib slunk back into Dr. Horvitz's office. The professor had been anticipating his empty-handed return. "He's gone." Dr. Horvitz said when Dib collapsed on his couch.

"Yeah, his house . . . everything." Dib rubbed his forehead and turned toward the TV. 

"What is the news saying now?" Dib noticed that the TV was black.

"There is no news. I think our satellites have been destroyed. He has successfully taken away our ability to communicate across the globe." Dr. Horvitz sat back in his chair and removed his glasses. He pinched the bridge of his nose then continued. "I don't think he is going to destroy Earth himself, I think he is preparing it. . . for conquest." 

Dib turned toward his mentor, shaken. "More are coming." Dib concluded. 

"And we don't know when." Dr. Horvitz agreed.

Dib pulled on his determined face and stood. "I need to use your computer." He said.


	10. Chapter 10

Dr. Horvitz followed Dib to the ditch in the construction zone. The older man stopped at the ledge; however the younger man walked right down to the box itself.

"Dib, don't stand so close to it!" The professor warned.

Dib ignored his teacher and knelt down right next to the box. He could feel the hair on his arms and neck stand up with the electricity it was putting off. Dib put the professor's laptop on the ground and pulled a cable out of his pocket. Dr. Horvitz realized what Dib was about to do and began shouting at him to stop and come away. Dib shook his head - he had to try. Dib didn't know how but he knew this device was an important part of Zim's invasion plan – he had no choice but to disable it.

Dib grabbed the cable in his gloved fist. He took a deep breath, hoping that the strong Irken fabric would shield him from the deadly electric waves. Without any more hesitation he plunged his hand into the energy field. 

"Noooo . . .?!" Dr. Horvitz yell faded when he saw Dib plug the cable into a port in the alien box then connect it to his laptop, completely unharmed. He kept the cable shielded in his left hand and began immediately typing something on the keyboard with his right. Dib couldn't hide the small victory smile on his face. Dr. Horvitz inched as close to Dib as he dared, looking at the screen over his head.

"You can read that?" He said in awe. "A real alien language!"

"I turned it off." Dib said. He retrieved the box and tucked it up under his arm then turned and walked back to the school.

"How were you able to do that?" The professor asked as he followed his student.

"I was raised by an alien with advanced technology. I can do a lot more than that." Dib said grimly. 

Dib set the box down on Dr. Horvitz's desk. "I'm going to open it." Dib said bravely. Dr. Horvitz was apprehensive but didn't try to stop him. He had finally learned that once Dib had his mind set on something there was no stopping him. Dib ran his fingertips along the smooth edge of the box and read the Irken characters written on it. 

"What does it say?" Dr. Horvitz asked.

"'Open here'." Dib answered and pressed the circle in the middle of the alien symbol. The box opened at the seams. "That's odd." Dib mused as they both peeked in at the inner workings of the device. 

"Wow." Dr. Horvitz breathed. The mechanics were like nothing he'd ever seen before – in fact it almost looked like a mechanical brain to him. Obviously they were familiar to Dib, though, as he expertly began picking through the tight bundle of wires. 

"There are millions of them throughout the world. Underground." Dib explained. "They're all connected. Whatever these boxes are supposed to do they are all programmed to do it at the same time." Dib reached into the mass of wires and pulled one out. "I just disarmed them all." He said smugly. 

"Well that's one less thing the alien can harm us with. Tell me where his house once stood, maybe I can find something there to help us find out where he went." Dib agreed and wrote down the address.

"I'll stay here and see if I can find out what this thing is supposed to do." Dib said, closing it up and plugging it back into the laptop. He was already thinking about how he could extract that information.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Damn that human." Zim muttered when his detonator network went dead. He tried a few times to bring at least some of them back online remotely but was not able to. 

"I told you so." Computer taunted.

"Those are an essential part of my plan, without them the humans can still inflict damage to the Armada. I won't risk any Irken lives for this stupid planet." Zim tapped his claw on the computer monitor, knowing what he had to do but not happy about it.

"The technology on this space station is not advanced as it should be, I'll have to inform the Tallests when I see them." Zim complained. "Computer, I need to go back down to the planet surface to repair that detonator manually. If I'm not back in time page me when the Armada is in position for my signal." He instructed.

Zim hopped into his Voot Cruiser and programmed in the coordinates of the box that had been damaged. It was in that cursed human University. "I should have known better than to have them all connected together." He grumbled to himself. "It's my own fault for cutting corners; I can't believe I let that human take priority over my mission." He clacked his teeth together in irritation with himself and took off into the Earth's atmosphere. 

Because of the humidity warning and other disasters Zim had initiated the streets were deserted. He chuckled and landed his Voot in the thick canopy of trees near the park's edge, effectively shielding it from view. He put on his wig and contacts and climbed down to the ground.

Zim briefly glanced at the abandoned equipment as he ran past it. In his imagination he could still see Dib as a child running around and terrorizing the weaker children, laughing merrily the whole time. He shook his head and forced himself to focus at the task at hand; he had to retrieve that detonator.

Zim pulled a tracker out of his PAK and followed the beeping light through the University. He stealthily made his way to the room where the broken detonator was. In his haste he didn't scan the room for life forms and blindly walked right into the lab.

Zim stopped short as soon as the door closed and he saw Dib fiddling with the box. Dib looked up at the sound and their eyes locked. 

Dib stood up and immediately raced over to Zim. Zim ejected his PAK legs defensively, waiting to see what his adversary would do. Dib unexpectedly enveloped him in a fierce hug. 

"Oh my God, Zim." Dib breathed as he held him close. Zim charged the lasers in the tips of the spider legs and curled them up on themselves to aim at Dib.

"I'll kill you . . . human." Zim threatened but his voice hitched in his throat and his spider legs faltered. "Give me back . . . my . . ." His voice trailed off and he buried his face in Dib's shoulder.

"I know." Dib kissed the top of Zim's head and didn't let him go. Zim's hands snaked around Dib and held him back just as tightly. Dib reached his hand up behind Zim's head and tugged on his wig. It held for a moment but then came off in his hand. Dib's gasped in amazement when he saw the two long black antennae growing out of Zim's bald, green head twitch. Dib dropped the wig on the floor and ran his fingers down one of the velvety stalks, Zim's eyes rolled back in his head and he shivered when Dib did it. 

Zim reached his hands up to his own eyes and popped out both of his large, violet contacts. Dib gaped in amazement when he looked into two very large and deep maroon eyes without pupils. Dib put his hands on Zim's cheeks lovingly. "Look at you." He said, almost breathlessly. "I never knew aliens could be so beautiful." 

Dib bent down and kissed Zim on the mouth and was astounded when the alien kissed him back. He felt heat creeping up around his neck and ears and his breathing sped up. Dib noticed that Zim's antennae were shuddering slightly and, remembering Zim's reaction before, ran his fingers down one of them again. Zim melted and began making a rapid clicking sound deep in his throat. 

"You purr." Dib said out loud, more to himself than to Zim.

"Lekku are sensitive . . . " Zim said, his voice sounded very far away. 

Dib continued to stroke the appendage. "Lekku." He said softly, liking the way the word sounded. 

Suddenly Dib felt a searing pain in his back as one of Zim's sharp PAK legs stabbed into him and through his gut. Zim smiled evilly and tossed Dib off to the side like a rag doll. The human fell back limply and stared up at Zim in disbelief, clutching his stomach which was now oozing blood. It hurt like Hell but he didn't think any vital organs had been damaged.

"You still show me your weakness so easily." Zim sneered. He re-charged his PAK legs again and kept them trained on Dib as he walked over to his mysterious box. 

"No! Zim, don't do this. Please." Dib tried to stand but slipped in his own blood, gritting his teeth at the pain that flared up from his wound. 

"Everything I am and everything I do is for the Irken Empire and my Tallests." Zim recited as he popped his contacts back in. Dib bitterly remembered the last time he had heard Zim say that; 8 years ago during that fateful training session that had led to Dib finally accepting his love for Zim. 

"Without that there is nothing." Dib quietly said along with Zim. Zim approached the window, box in-hand and disguise fully in place.

"Zim, I don't want to fight you." Dib finally managed to stand shakily and pulled the gun he had in the waistband of his pants out and aimed it at Zim's back. It was an Irken weapon that Dib had taken from Zim's base before all of this started with the intention of disassembling it to figure out how it worked. Now he was glad that he hadn't found the time to do that and had just stashed it in his locker at school. 

Zim looked back over his shoulder and saw what Dib was pointing at him. "I didn't know I raised a coward." He said viciously then sprang out the window. Dib pulled the trigger and it hit; one of Zim's PAK legs was shot off at the first joint and flew several feet into the air. Zim landed awkwardly and off-balance on the lawn with only three remaining PAK legs. He didn't even look back as he drew the legs in and ran off. Dib hesitated a brief moment, upset that he had actually fired a dangerous weapon at someone he loves so much, but recovered quickly and jumped out the window after him. As he passed it by the severed leg self-destructed, leaving a black scorch mark on the grass.


	11. Chapter 11

"Shit!" Zim spat as he dodged another blast from Dib's damned laser gun. The human was making him work much harder than he had expected to retrieve his detonator.

Even though Dib was injured he stubbornly ran as fast as he could after Zim. There was no chance Dib could catch up to Zim so he opted to slow Zim down as much as he could. He shot the ground just inches in front of Zim's path and he twirled and changed directions. Dib stopped much less elegantly and took off again after the fleeing alien.

A few shots just missed Zim's arm that was carrying the box, Zim felt the heat from the blasts they whizzed by. Zim was trying to run back to the park to his ship but Dib kept corralling him deeper into the city. He knew that downtown was not deserted like the residential areas, in fact there were several police cars patrolling the area.

Zim allowed himself a second to glance over his shoulder at his follower but his timing was off - his foot clipped something hard and metal that caused him to stumble. Zim grunted in pain then horror when he saw that he had almost tripped over a fire hydrant a fraction of a second before Dib shot it. Water immediately gushed up from it like a geyser. Zim's tried to outrun it but he was too close, it was too fast. He was instantly drenched in water.

Dib stopped when Zim fell to the ground screaming, skin sizzling and smoking. He hadn't known that Zim would react this way to water and it was a terrible thing to witness. In his thrashing Zim lost his hold on the box and Dib took advantage of it and kicked it out of his reach. Dib bent over, doing his best to ignore the tearing pain in his middle, and dragged Zim out of the wet zone by his shoulders. 

Once Dib had pulled him out of the raining water Zim slashed out with his steaming claw, leaving three deep slashes across Dib's face. Dib fell back, hands now clutching his bloody face. Zim growled and was up again in a flash, instantly claiming his prize and running back toward the park. 

The chase was taking a toll on the human and he had a hard time standing. He tried to follow Zim but fell to his knees again when he felt dizzy. His eyesight was going hazy but he saw a group of three people up the street that Zim was racing toward.

"Stop him!" Dib yelled as loud as he could. The people looked over to Dib then to the running green man. "He's the one poisoning the water!"

The three citizens stood in Zim's path, causing him to have to change directions again as he dodged around them. They were no match for his speed or agility but they did slow him down. The three people began yelling to others who were out on the streets to stop the man with the box .

"Get that terrorist!" A woman screamed, pointing at Zim as he outmaneuvered each human that came after him.

Dib managed to stay standing and stumbled over as quickly as he could to the commotion. The group had grown to maybe twenty people, all grabbing at Zim's hair and clothes and the box he was desperately trying to keep hold of. 

"Stop! Don't touch me! You smell like feet!" Zim snarled. After the detonator had almost been snatched from his hand a few times he became so irritated that he began slashing out with his claws into the mob. Several people fell back with gaping, bloody wounds – screaming for help. This succeeded in calling more attention to the scene.

Dib had almost reached the crowd and saw that Zim was now responding with violence to get away. 

"No stop!" He warned. "He'll kill you!" But in the frenzy no one listened.

"Zim, please stop!" Dib tied but he didn't listen either, clawing and kicking a bloody path through the crowd. 

A loud bang went off very close to the melee and the humans all flinched and froze. Someone decided to come to the party with a rifle and had shot it into the air. Zim continued to push through the people while they stepped away from the pack. 

The man with the rifle took aim at Zim's head. "Fuck you!" He yelled and pulled the trigger. 

Zim moved so fast that it left everyone stunned for a few seconds, unable to move or react until it was over. He dodged the bullet, grabbed the rifle in his hand and bent the man's arm back at the elbow. A loud snap sounded and the man fell to his knees screaming, cradling arm. Zim turned the gun around in his grip and plunged it into the man's chest. The man's mouth continued to scream but nothing came out. Zim tried to pull the gun back but it wouldn't come. "Damn ribs!" He yelled then let it go. He spun around and resumed his initial destination toward the park. 

"You idiot, don't announce your attacks!" Dib thought as he turned and limped after Zim again. 

At that moment a car screeched to a halt next to Dib. "Dib, what's going on?" Dr. Horvitz cried. He paled once he noticed how bloody and unsteady Dib was. "Get in, you need to get to a hospital!"

Dib fell into the car and slammed the door. "The alien!" Dib panted. "To the park . . . cut him off!" Dib pointed at the disappearing green figure. Dr. Horvitz hesitated. "I'll be okay, just stop him!" Dib insisted. "If he reaches the park . . . never catch him."

Dr. Horvitz sped off to intercept the alien. When they reached the edge of the grass Zim had almost reached the trees. Dr. Horvitz drove his car right up through the park and Dib leaned out of the window and took aim with his gun, wondering how many shots it still had. Dib pulled the trigger and shot Zim in the knee. 

Zim cried out and did a somersault. Dr. Horvitz did not slow the car down as he careened right to where Zim had come to a stop. The alien saw the car coming toward him and jumped out of the way. The car smashed into a tree, deploying the airbags. Dib sprang out again, running on pure adrenalin now, and shot some of the underbrush in the grove, setting it ablaze. 

Zim whipped his head over to Dib and hissed, baring his fangs in anger. In Dib's heightened state the look didn't affect him emotionally and he raised his gun, aiming it at Zim's head. Zim ducked and tried to run into the trees again but the fire was already raging and he was pushed back out by the growing flames. Fire engine sirens sounded in the distance. 

Changing tactics Zim ran toward a tall building across the street, intending to attempt to jump over to the voot from the roof. Dib steeled himself and again pursued – the pain in his stomach was numbed now and he was able to run after Zim much faster.

It seemed to happen in slow motion. Just as Zim was about to wrench open the door of the building Dib heard a loud screeching sound to his left. He turned and saw a fire truck headed straight for him, it was coming too fast and was too close – he was not going to be able to avoid it. Time sped back up to frantic and Dib felt intense pain as his skin was ripped off while he skidded across asphalt on his side. He heard screaming and feet running around and the sound of scraping metal. That's when Dib realized . . . he hadn't been hit! 

Paramedics ran over to Dib and crouched down to tend to his wounds. They were asking him questions but he didn't hear them, he was looking at a long smear of blue blood across the street and on the front of the fire truck. Dib's vision blurred with tears and exhaustion when he saw the tangled mess of three metal spider-like legs on the street. 

"Zim saved my life." He said so quietly that no one heard, then promptly passed out.


	12. Chapter 12

There was some kind of commotion happening that was trying to wake Dib up. He grimaced and turned his head away from the mounting voices, trying to slip back into the comfort of unconsciousness. He wasn't ready to wake up – didn't want to face reality just yet. He just wanted to forget the world and sleep. But the voices were persistent and against his will he was forced to listen to them. 

"Dib needs to rest, he just had surgery!" He heard Dr. Horvitz say.

"He's the only one who can communicate with that monster, we need him to translate." A deeper voice argued. Dib kept his eyes closed but grimaced again at the familiarity of that voice.

"Just because you think you're some hot-shot scientist doesn't mean you can do whatever you want! He could have died." Dr. Horvitz retorted.

"Thanks but he won't listen." Dib's throat was dry and scratchy. He sat up carefully, head swaying a little from the drugs he was on. "I want to see him anyway." He pulled out his IV and applied pressure to his hand to stop the bleeding.

"Dib, you had extensive damage to your intestines – you were in surgery for hours and you need to stay down so you can heal!" Dr. Horvitz rushed over to his student who was struggling to stand up. Before he could get there Professor Membrane pushed past him with a wheelchair and carelessly dropped Dib into it. 

Dib grunted in pain and was wheeled out of the room hastily by his biological father. The person he hated most in the world. Dr. Horvitz followed, grumbling unhappily.

Apparently they had just taken Dib to Professor Membrane's lab and not a proper hospital. Dib felt anger within him at Membrane's selfishness. Luckily their doctors had been able to treat Dib's wounds but that had been a gamble – what if his wounds had been worse than they thought or if he develops complications from their amateur surgery skills? He decided not to think about that.

His chair was wheeled into a huge room with a large glass containment unit in the middle of it. The room was filled with scientists fiddling with a huge amount of computer equipment that lined the walls. Inside the bubble was a very pissed off naked little Irken. He was slashing his claws against his cage, leaving deep gashes in the glass smudged with his own blue blood in a fit of rage. Dib also saw splatterings of red blood coating the floor and sides of the enclosure. 

"People went in there?" Dib said in amazement. "How foolish can you pompous idiots be? You're lucky no one is dead." Dib chided. He didn't see the looks that Professor Membrane and Dr. Horvitz exchanged over his head.

Professor Membrane cleared his throat. "We can't decipher its language, Dr. Horvitz said you understand it. Ask it why it is here." Membrane pointed to a console in front of him with a button and small microphone on it.

"HE wants to conquer the Earth, you don't need to ask him to see that." Dib said mockingly. Membrane's face flushed in indignation at the rude comment. 

Zim noticed Dib and he stopped thrashing around. He walked up to the glass closest to him and glared at the human pointedly. Dib realized that even though he could not hear it that Zim was growling at him. Professor Membrane hit the button on the console and the sounds from inside the chamber could be heard over the intercom. Everyone stopped to listen to what the alien had to say.

Zim growled and his lekku vibrated for emphasis. They made a rattling sound that chilled Dib's blood. 

*Let me out, Hyuuman!* Zim demanded in Irken.

*I'm so glad you're alive! Are you okay?* Dib asked in Irken as well.

*Do I look okay? Release my PAK!* Zim snarled. 

Just then Dib noticed several cables plugged into Zim' PAK that were hooked into a port in the enclosure. The cables continued to a computer next to Dib. The monitor showed Zim's strange vital signs.

"What is this?" Dib asked.

"Readings from that pod on his back." Membrane answered. "It seems to be what keeps him alive. We were able to take control of his life support before he regained consciousness." Membrane said self-righteously. "All of its other functions have been disabled."

"It's called a PAK." Dib corrected, annoyed.

*Zim, stop the invasion. Please!* Dib pleaded.

Zim laughed at this. Dr. Horvitz fidgeted in discomfort at the vehemence he heard in Zim's mirth.

*Everything I am and everything I do - *

*Shut up about that!* Dib interrupted. *Not everything you do is for the Irken Empire. How is raising a human child and giving him an advanced education for your stupid Empire?*

Zim hissed heatedly at the 'stupid Empire' comment and dropped his lekku back in aggression. *Watch what you say, Dib-shit.* Zim warned. *I was bored with this filthy planet of dirt and primitive life forms. You were the only entertainment I had.*

*What about the letter of recommendation you wrote for me to get into a school designed to capture creatures like you? Was that for entertainment too?!* Zim's lekku twitched at this. *You fucking wrote directions on how to open that detonator thing right on it! Why would you need to do that when you built it?!* Dib persisted. Zim went silent, amazingly. 

Professor Membrane nudged Dib's shoulder."What are you saying?!" He asked excitedly. Zim shrieked at the interruption and every human in the room covered his ears in discomfort. Zim pointed his lekku at the human and made a popping sound.

"What does that mean?" Membrane asked.

"Uh, you don't want to know." Dib answered. 

*Nothing will make me stop the Armada from coming.* Zim said with finality. *Your planet will fall.* With that Zim turned his back to Dib and would say no more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib had been lying in his bed for the past several hours 'recuperating'. Unable to sleep he just stared at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts full of Zim. He had been waiting for night to fall so he could go back and talk to Zim alone and though there wasn't a window or clock in his room he could feel that it was late. 

Dib stood and pulled his IV out again. This time he didn't bother with the wheelchair – the drugs had dulled his pain to an ache so he stubbornly chose to walk, or shuffle to be more accurate, to the observation room. 

Dib arrived to the door and pulled it open. He peeked in and saw the two scientists who were supposed to be watching over Zim were both asleep in their computer chairs. He glanced at the equipment as he made his way over to the glass structure as quietly as he could and saw that Zim's vital signs were very weak. Alarmed he ran the rest of the way over to the glass bubble. Zim was lying in a heap on the floor.

Dib tapped on the glass and Zim didn't stir. The bubble had a double door system to enter and both doors were locked. Dib pried the casing off of the first key pad, exposing the much more primitive wiring system than he was accustomed to. He easily disabled it and pulled the first door back. He did the same with the second door, scoffing mentally at how easy that was, and dropped down next to the being who meant more to him than anyone else.

*Zim, what happened?!* Dib said. He rolled Zim over gently and felt a small amount of relief to see that Zim was breathing, although very weakly. *Please tell me you're okay.* Dib quickly scanned Zim's smooth body, the bruises and scrapes from the accident already mostly healed and faded.

*Human . . . release . . . PAK.* Zim rasped, eyes barely open.

*Zim, I don't see any injuries! Tell me what's wrong!* Dib pleaded feeling panic welling up inside of him.

*PAK . . . * Zim's eyes slipped shut. Dib pulled Zim up to a sitting position, allowing his cold forehead to rest on his shoulder. He grabbed one of the cables protruding out of his PAK and pulled it out. Zim immediately jerked and his breathing became more even.

*More.* Zim said, his voice was a little stronger.

*Zim, listen to me.* Dib sat Zim back to look into his face. The alien was strong enough to sit up on his own, barely, but he looked exhausted as he watched Dib. *Come away with me. We'll go somewhere far away, anywhere you want! Where no one will ever find us. Please.* Dib ran his hand over Zim's clammy head, a gesture that was intended to be comforting.

*I will not . . . betray the Empire.* Zim slurred. *Quitting . . . un-Irken.* Zim closed his eyes when Dib stroked his head. 

*It wouldn't be quitting. You don't want to destroy this planet, it's just your assignment!*

Dib stroked Zim's lekku gently and smiled fondly when he heard Zim purr very quietly.

*Failure is unacceptable.* Zim's voice cracked. *Retreat . . . not an option for an Invader. We are . . . expendable.* Dib pulled Zim close to him. *Without our mission . . . there is nothing.*

Dib pulled a few more wires out. With each one he could feel Zim's strength returning.

*There is something else for you. I love you.* Zim flinched when Dib said. *Please just come with me.* Dib leaned back to look him in the eyes. 

*Irkens don't love.* Zim said. *We only know loyalty . . . to the Empire . . . *

*I know you care about me, Zim. You risked your life to save mine.* 

Just then the pink round ports on Zim's PAK lit up and flashed three times then went dark again.

*The Armada has arrived.* Zim informed Dib. *They await my signal.*

*Don't signal them!* Dib shook Zim by the shoulders for emphasis.

Zim blinked a few times when Dib shook him, as if it was helping to clear his head.*I have to, or they will destroy everything Irken down here. Including me.* 

*Then tell them not to come.* Dib insisted. 

*I would be forever labeled a failure . . . and banished.* 

*Then you could stay here . . . with me.* 

Zim shook his head in negation but reached up and stroked Dib's face affectionately while he did it. Dib was stunned into silence by the intimate gesture. Dib took hold of Zim's wrist and kissed his palm. Zim's growled quietly in response. 

*Give me one night.* Dib requested. *I don't know what will happen but for this one night be mine.*

*Release my PAK.* Zim replied.


	13. Chapter 13

Dib looked deeply into Zim's bottomless maroon eyes, communicating to him silently that he trusted him implicitly. He got up and walked out to the monitor where the cables hooked up to Zim's PAK connected. He typed in a few commands and the screen went dark. Zim immediately stood and ripped the cables out of his back. 

Zim walked out of the enclosure and approached Dib assertively. Again Dib showed his faith by not retreating or challenging him, he stood his ground and waited. Zim grabbed something out of his PAK which he put in his mouth and chewed as he approached the human. Zim reached Dib and immediately he pulled his head back roughly by the hair and planted his lips on Dib's. At first Dib was confused but then he felt Zim filling his mouth with a fluid that tasted very bitter. He gagged but Zim did not remove his mouth, then he started massaging Dib's throat forcing him to swallow what he had been fed.

"Vortian medicine always tastes disgusting." Zim explained in English after he pulled away. "Irken saliva is sweet but it still can't drown out all of the flavor."

Dib bent over and fell to his knees, coughing and retching. After a few minutes of this Dib wiped his mouth and realized that incredibly he felt no more pain in his stomach. He stood and looked down at his torso. Zim reached out and tore off the gauze wrapped around Dib's body. The wound in his abdomen was already healing over. Zim looked at the sutures that had been used to sew Dib's skin closed and scoffed. "Barbaric human -"

Dib grabbed Zim's wrist and pulled him toward the door. A quick peek down the hall and seeing no one Dib dragged Zim and threw him into his room, locking the door behind him. Dib turned around to look at Zim and saw that he was sitting on the bed, smiling beguilingly. Dib held himself back for a moment to take in the sight of the beautiful creature before him. He had never really expected this to happen, though he had always hoped and fantasized about it.

Zim indeed was green all over as Computer had told him. He had no nipples, navel or external genitalia and his body was completely hairless - flawless. His groin was a darker green than the rest of him and there was a bony ridge between his legs, presumably protecting a penis within. Dib felt heat creeping up his neck and ears when Zim's smile became wicked, he'd noticed Dib staring at his private area and spread his legs a little wider. 

Dib lost his composure then and eagerly sprang over to the bed. When he was within reach Zim hissed at him and slashed out with his claws, scratching Dib's chest. Dib backed up in shock but the scratches weren't very deep and he heard Zim making an encouraging trilling noise in his throat, watching Dib very closely for his response. 

"Is this how Irkens mate?" Dib thought to himself. "I have to prove myself?" Dib grinned and again dove at his partner. He managed to dodge Zim's claws this time and pushed Zim onto his back, teeth at the alien's green throat. Zim made that trilling sound again and Dib bit at his neck, not enough to bleed but enough to express his eagerness. Dib felt Zim run his sharp claws up his back, it hurt but at the same time it felt wonderful. Pain and pleasure; that is how it had always been to be in love with Zim and it only fueled Dib's desire. Dib reached down and pushed his sweat pants and underwear off. He was already fully erect and he rubbed his throbbing member back and forth against Zim's armored ridge.

Zim relaxed his legs and Dib looked up at him, mistakenly interpreting that as a signal that he was accepting Dib. Dib noticed too late the mischievous look on Zim's face. Zim grabbed Dib's ears and smashed his head into Dib's. Dib fell back onto the ground, rubbing his head but no less aroused. Zim was on the bed on all fours when Dib looked up at him, blinking back stars in his vision. Zim wiggled his little butt in a very suggestive way. 

"Okay." Dib said and attacked Zim again, much more aggressively this time. He grabbed Zim's wrists and pinned them above his head. Zim gnashed his teeth and tried to bite but Dib wouldn't let any part of him get close enough. Dib growled back and squeezed Zim's wrists tighter, Zim settled then and this time when he relaxed his legs it was a signal that he was receptive. 

Dib reached down between them and sought out Zim's hole. When he found it he circled it with his finger, watching Zim's face turn blue from the pleasure of the sensation. Dib felt wetness on his stomach and realized that Zim's long purple dick had emerged from its protective sheath. Dib grasped it and ran his hand from the root to tip, gathering up as much of the slippery juice it was covered in as he could. He used that to lubricate himself and Zim's entrance and positioned himself to enter Zim's body.

Dib gasped in bliss as he pushed himself into Zim's ass. It was warm and tight and heavenly. He slowly eased himself entirely inside, not wanting to rush and hurt Zim. Dib released Zim's wrists and instantly his claws went to Dib's neck, however when Dib started thrusting slowly in and out of him Zim's hands loosened and instead he rested them on Dib's shoulders. 

Dib sped up his pace when Zim started rocking his hips in time with Dib's thrusting. Dib leaned in and kissed Zim deeply. Kissing was not an Irken custom so at first it was awkward. Zim caught on quickly, though, and kissed back passionately. 

"You're so precious to me." Dib breathed against Zim's cheek. 

Zim moaned a little and rolled over so that he was on top of Dib's prone body. Dib was so lost in his ecstasy that he didn't even consider that Zim may attack him again but this time he had nothing to worry about. Zim took over and moved his body up and down on Dib's cock, faster and harder now. 

Dib reached up and ran his hands softly down Zim's chest. Zim was not used to being treated tenderly and dropped his guard, throwing his head back in abandon. Dib acknowledged how vulnerable they both were to each other right now and his love for Zim grew deeper. He reached up and pulled Zim down by his shoulders so that he could capture one of his lekku with his mouth. He ran his tongue around it and sucked at the feathery tip.

Zim moaned loudly and his movements became erratic. Dib compensated by thrusting from underneath and let go of Zim's lekku when he cried out and arched his back. Dib's chest was covered in Zim's hot blue semen and it sent him over the edge. When he emptied himself inside of this lover Zim cried out again and came a second time onto Dib's chest. 

Dib pulled Zim down again and enveloped him in a warm embrace. He gently stroked his lekku and kissed his forehead. "I love you." He said quietly.

A few hours later Dib woke up and looked around groggily. He was imprisoned in the same glass enclosure that he had freed Zim from not too long ago. He cursed himself for falling asleep. Professor Membrane and Dr. Horvitz were both arguing by the control platform but stopped when Dib stood and walked over to the doors expectantly, and more than a little sheepishly. Dr. Horvitz pressed the communication button. "Dib, we can't get you out. The alien has erected a force field around that chamber." He explained. 

Dib flinched at that, dread filling him as he anticipated what Dr. Horvitz would say next. "He found his ship and the detonator in the lower labs. He's gone." Dib's heart sank at that news.


	14. Chapter 14

Zim had killed several humans on his way through the compound to retrieve his ship and detonator. He re-connected the broken wire and instead of returning the box to the University campus he had dropped it into the ocean, near an active submarine base. Once he had cleared Earth's atmosphere and reached the comfort of open space he thought he could relax a little, however he found that impossible to do. 

"That didn't happen." He said out loud, definitely not believing himself. Dib's kind touch and heart-felt words had him very confused. "What does it mean to be precious to someone?" 

"Precious: something of great value." Computer replied from the console of the Voot Cruiser.

"But invaders are expendable . . . " Zim said "Without our mission . . . " His voice trailed off. 

Dib's voice echoed in his head again. "There is something else for you. I love you . . . stay here with me."

"Invaders need no one. Invaders need no one!" Zim yelled, putting his hands to his head. "Computer, activate detonators."

Down on the planet millions of small underground purple and gray boxes, with red triangular alien symbols on the side, rose to the surface. They all opened up at the same time and emitted a pulse of electromagnetic energy, destroying every electronic device on the planet – including the triggering mechanisms on all nuclear weapons. Zim watched from space as Earth went dark and was left completely helpless.

"Mission complete." Computer announced.

Instead of feeling pride or relief as he expected Zim was overcome with sorrow and remorse, a profound sense of emptiness. He took a deep, shaky breath. Trying desperately, and failing, to keep his mind off of his Dib as he prepared himself to address his leaders and signal the start of the invasion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suddenly all of the electricity went out in the lab. The force field around Dib's cage put out a dim blue light and he watched helplessly from inside as the scientists panicked. The back-up generator would not work either and everyone ran from the building in fear of the impending attack. Dib had no idea where they were going to go, there was no escape from the Irken weapons. Only Professor Membrane and Dr. Horvitz remained. The former was doggedly trying to figure out a way to open the glass enclosure, the latter was sitting next to him on the other side of the glass. 

"I freed him." Dib said quietly to Dr. Horvitz. "I'm so sorry, Richard. I guess I just never really believed he'd go through with it. This is all my fault."Dib was sitting with his arms wrapped around his legs, now he put his head down onto his knees. "I never should have trusted him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Computer, hail the Massive?" Zim said, trying to make his voice sound stronger than he felt.

"Are you sure?" Computer replied.

"What?" Zim released a breath of air he hadn't even realized he'd been holding.

"That sounded like a question. Please repeat command." Computer requested.

Zim opened his mouth to comply but nothing came out at first. Zim cleared his throat and made his final decision. "Hail the Massive." He repeated.

Two very tall Irkens appeared on the viewscreen of Zim's Voot Cruiser's console. "Good job, Invader Zim. You have prepared this planet very nicely for conquest, blah blah blah." Tallest Red said.

"Now board the Massive for the ceremonial shooting of the big cannon!" Tallest Purple cheered. 

"Yes, Sirs." Zim said and saluted. The screen went dark. Once he was close enough to the Irken mother ship he beamed himself over, right into the weapons bay where everyone was awaiting his presence.

"Greetings, my tallest!" Zim said proudly as he walked up to the platform where his leaders stood. "As the Invader responsible for this planet's downfall, I am ready to launch the traditional first cannon sweep."

"Please do!" His Tallests encouraged, already reading through the information Zim had collected on Earth over the years. They were talking to each other quietly as they planned out what to do with their newly acquired planet. 

Zim walked up to the cannon controls and began rapidly typing in commands. After a few seconds of this Tallest Purple looked up, a little annoyed. "Just push 'fire'." He said. Zim continued typing.

"Invader Zim, don't overload it -!" Tallest Red warned but it was too late. 

"Fire!" Zim yelled then hit the button. The Massive exploded, destroying most of the Spittle Runners in its entourage with it.


	15. Chapter 15

The entire Earth shook from the force of the explosion. Dib braced himself on his hands and knees in his bubble while Dr. Horvitz and Professor Membrane took cover under the computer monitors when the laboratory began crumbling around them. When the lab collapsed Dib could see to the sky – it was full of dirt and debris flying by at tornado speeds. He covered his ears and squeezed his eyes closed so that he didn't have to hear the screaming or see the people being plowed over by large objects all around him.

The planet finally stopped quaking and Dib immediately stood and yelled for his two companions. The force field had protected him entirely from harm but Dr. Horvitz had not been so lucky. Dib saw Professor Membrane, covered in dirt and blood, digging through the rubble searching for the scientist. Dib hit his fists against the glass in frustration that he couldn't help. He signed in relief when Dr. Horvitz was pulled up from the ruins, hugging a broken arm to his body.

When Membrane and Dr. Horvitz both looked into the sky Dib followed their gaze and saw the Voot Cruiser coming in for a landing right above them. It hovered for a second and shot a beam out over Dib's bubble and the force field blinked out of existence. He immediately ran out of the enclosure to the Voot in anticipation. Dib stopped and swayed on his feet when the Voot opened and Zim was not inside. 

"Dib-human, I am on auto-pilot. Master programmed me to deliver this to you." A short grappler came out of the ship and held a glass vial with a clear fluid inside in front of Dib's face. "Pour it in your ocean and the toxin will be gone from your planet in a few weeks." Dib held out his hand numbly and the ship placed the vial into it and pulled the grappler back. 

"Where's Zim?" Dib asked, dreading the answer. 

"Master sacrificed his life to destroy the Armada so that you could remain free. It is the ultimate betrayal to the Irken Empire." Dib blinked and felt a lump begin to form in his throat and shook his head in denial. "Everything of Irken origin on this planet will self-destruct soon, including me." The Voot informed him. 

"Good riddance!" Membrane yelled. 

Dr. Horvitz glared at him. "That alien saved us all. He's a hero!"

"A hero? It started this whole mess in the first place! It was a dangerous murderer that needed to die. It's just too bad we won't have a body or any technology to study." Membrane argued, walking toward the Voot in his curiosity.

"What the fuck?!" Dib yelled suddenly. With tears streaming down his face he threw the vial of antidote to the ground. Dr. Horvitz immediately retrieved it, thankful that it hadn't broken. "Why did he even do this?! What the fuck was the point?!" 

"Dib, calm down. The invasion was stopped, we're safe. Now we can re-build . . . " Dr. Horvitz tried.

Dib started swearing, slipping into Irken because the language is much more suited for hostility and obscenities. *Why didn't he just stay with me? He didn't have to do this . . . he didn't have to die . . . he didn't . . . stupid asshole!* Dib's voice was dissolving into sobs.

*Master was programmed to be an Invader. You should feel honored that his love for you made him strong enough to finally break away from that. No Irken in history has ever done the same.* The ship said.

*Why didn't he do it sooner?* Dib wiped his face dejectedly. *If he weren't dead I'd kill him!*

Professor Membrane leaned into the Voot and pulled out something round and metal that had been wedged between the seat and the side. Dib recognized it immediately and charged at his biological father. Just as Membrane turned to announce his find Dib smashed the palm of his hand against Membrane's nose, shattering the bone. 

Membrane stumbled back and instinctively brought his hands to his bleeding face. He dropped Zim's PAK and Dib snatched it from the ground. He ran toward the Voot with it and when Dr. Horvitz tried to intervene he snapped at him like a wild animal – or like an angry Irken to be more accurate. Dr. Horvitz backed off helplessly when he saw the dangerous feral look in Dib's eyes.

Dib jumped into the Voot and took off. 

Dib clutched the PAK tightly to himself and felt peace come over him as he waited for the Voot to self-destruct with him inside.

"I'll see you soon, Zim." He said calmly.


	16. Chapter 16

Dib didn't set any coordinates into the Voot, intending to just drift until the inevitable, so he was surprised when Computer suddenly announced it was setting a course. 

"What are you doing?" Dib asked. 

"I am taking you to Master's space station." Computer replied.

"Aren't we going to self-destruct?" Dib asked.

"Only Irken things on the planet have destructed. We are not on the surface – Master programmed me to take you to the station in the eventuality that you left the planet with me."

"But why?" Dib said, feeling distraught.

"Open the PAK." Computer instructed.

Dib pushed onto the round pink port on the top of the PAK and it opened. He peered inside and what he saw made him burst out crying.

"Computer, maximum speed!" Dib managed to say between sobs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One month later:

"Computer, how much longer?" Dib had been asking this every day. He had spent every moment next to the glass chamber in the medical bay except for brief bathroom breaks. He slept next to the chamber and watched the precious contents inside of it grow every day.

"I have told you before length of time is unknown. The technology on this space station is not advanced as it should be, this is the first time the cloning chamber has been used." Computer replied, more than slightly irritated at being asked the same question over and over.

When Dib had opened Zim's PAK inside had been a jar filled with some kind of green fluid. Dib saw a black, feathery worm-like thing floating inside and knew what it was instantly. 

"Computer, is this what I think it is?" He asked, feeling overwhelmed with the hope that came flooding into him after such an all-encompassing sadness.

"That is the tip of Master's left lekku. It was very painful for him to cut it off." Computer confirmed. As soon as they reached the station Dib had burst out of the Voot and ordered the Computer to set up a cloning system.

"But Zim looks ready, he's even opened his eyes!" Dib stood and put his hands to the glass. The new Irken inside put his hands against Dibs from the other side. "Look at him! He wants out!" 

"That is a blank host, he has no thoughts in his head that is just reflex." Computer corrected. "An Irken is just an empty body without their PAK."

"Then put his PAK on! How much longer do I have to wait?!" Dib cried, hitting the glass with his fists. The Irken inside scrunched up his face instinctively when he saw how distraught Dib had become.

Suddenly a happy face lit up above the chamber. A mechanical arm descended from the ceiling and tapped sharply at the chamber. The glass broke and the fluid leaked out. Dib ran to the being and held him in his arms despite the goo that splattered everywhere. Another arm came down and punctured two holes into the Irken's back. The computer held the PAK up to the holes and it immediately attached to its new host. The computer zapped the limp body and Zim came alive in Dib's arms. 

Zim sat up straight and looked into Dib's tear-stained face. "It worked." He said, wiping away the human tears that slightly burned his fingers. 

Dib was unable to speak with the flood of emotions he was feeling. Zim smiled kindly and pulled him close and they stayed like this for several minutes.


	17. Bonus Chapter

"Dib-traitor if you don't get this Irk-damned chicken away from me I am going to eat it!" Zim yelled. 

"You wouldn't do that, you're allergic to meat." Dib said, scooping a very old but still lively Chicky off of Zim's head. Dib set her onto the ground and shooed her gently with his foot. She clucked a few times in indignation and strutted away, dropping a poop on the floor in complaint. "You act like you hate her but I know you don't."

"Zim hates all things that are filthy." Zim grumbled, glaring at the poop as the computer cleaned it up. He was pouting in his space station computer chair with his arms folded in front of him, stalling.

"If you hate her so much then why did you bring her with you?" Dib asked and stroked Zim's lekku absently.

"How long is it going to live anyway?" Zim evaded, trying to act like Dib's touch didn't calm him.

"They can live for twenty years." Dib said. 

"Stupid living chicken." Zim griped but leaned into Dib's hand.

Dib smiled knowingly and spun Zim around away from the console. Zim looked up forlornly and in one smooth quick motion Dib flicked his wrist to the side, expelling his 'Irken fingers' and slashed out at Zim's face. The twin blades left parallel slices that oozed blue blood down Zim's cheek. Dib had caught on quickly that Irkens display their level of affection and devotion for their mates by how many scars they inflict on them. They both were covered head to toe with each other's 'love-marks'.

"It's time to get going, Zim-love." Dib said, wiping the blood off with his thumb. When Zim didn't move Dib chuckled and grabbed his hand.

Zim muttered under his breath but allowed Dib to lead him to the transporter tube. Zim hadn't been very happy when Dib told him that he had contacted President Man and arranged a First Contact meeting but he had insisted it was needed. Because of Dib's persistence Zim had reluctantly agreed to it.

They beamed down to the designated place and were instantly surrounded by secret service agents that had been hired to escort them to the podium where President Man eagerly awaited.

"I am not benefitting at all from this agreement." Zim whispered vehemently as they made their way over to the stadium. He had his head down and his hands tightly gripped into fists by his sides as he walked. Humans were everywhere, ogling at the short green alien who walked by. Some gasped in awe and some booed in fear or suspicion as he passed. Someone snorted like a pig.

"Yes you are – if you help us rebuild and even share some of your advanced technology your 'crimes against humanity' will be forgotten." Dib replied. "And you can live down here with me without having to hide all the time." 

"Do you think an alien, especially one that has killed so many humans, can live openly on this planet? It's called Paparazzi, Dib-dumb."

"Dib-dumb?" Dib repeated. They had reached the podium. The secret service men gestured for Zim to approach the platform and for Dib to wait at the stairs. Cameras were everywhere, ready to film this legendary event, but they didn't work because of the electro-magnetic pulse that Zim had sent out a few weeks ago. In fact all of the electronics of Earth were still not functioning; the first part of the agreement is that Zim would repair them. 

"Stupid President-Human. Stupid humans. Stupid Dib-Dumb." Zim muttered under his breath as he approached President Man who had a huge shit-eating grin plastered on his face. The human leader then held out his hand.

"Being from another world, this is how humans greet each other in good will." President Man said dramatically. He turned his head to the crowd and smiled toothily. "Please grasp my hand then vote for me."

Zim followed the human's gaze into the crowd curiously then sneered at the man's bare hand. "Don't be ridiculous." Zim said dismissively. Dib cringed at this awkward first exchange. 

President Man lost his fake smile for a second from the tactless remark and with the smattering of laughter and booing from the audience that followed it. He recovered quickly though. "So how does your kind greet each other in good will?" He asked, again grinning like an idiot to the crowd. 

"We don't." Zim smirked. Dib shot Zim a warning look, which he gleefully ignored.

"You're covered in a lot of scars, Alien." President Man observed, losing his smile again.

"And you're covered in a lot of stupid, Human." Zim replied, grinning wider with the hostility he was creating. 

Dib broke away from the group of people at the stairs and bravely walked over to the center of attention. *Knock it off, Zim-jerk.* He chastised quietly in Irken. Zim's lekku twitched at this but he laughed a little that he had succeeded in irritating his mate. 

*Victory for Zim.* He whispered back childishly.

*Just fix the machines.* Dib said exasperatedly. 

A grappler slipped out of Zim's PAK and dropped a controller into the alien's hand. The appendage retracted back and Zim held up the device for everyone to see. Many people ooh'd and ahh'd even though they had no idea what it was. He pushed a button on it with a mocking flourish and the cameras and lights went on instantly. As the cameras began recording and broadcasting over the world Zim dropped the controller into President Man's hand. 

Dib was ushered off-stage as President Man went through his First Contact speech. He introduced Zim as a hero and gave him credit for fixing the electronics of the world and cleaning up the poisoned water (with his authorization of course). Dib held his breath anticipating Zim to continue to be immature and spiteful but the rest of the meeting went smoothly. In fact, Zim was very charming and by the end of the broadcast he had won over the crowd. Hats, balloons and dolls in Zim's likeness were being sold by the thousands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a long evening of awkward parties and interviews before Zim and Dib were able to leave. They tiredly made their way through the grabby crowd to the transporter platform. This time they didn't transport themselves to the space station but to a plot of land they had been given to set up a new home. The area was in a secret location deep in the forest, far from prying eyes; for their own protection. 

Zim pulled a bullet-shaped device from his PAK and shoved it into the ground. It dug into the ground and exploded with cables and structures that sprung up and built a house identical to Zim's last base except there were more creepy guard gnomes. They walked through the door together.

"Well that was horrible." Zim complained but there was no anger in his voice. He wouldn't admit it but he was relieved that he had been received so easily by the humans.

"Computer, beam Chicky into the backyard." Dib ordered and sat down next to Zim on the couch. "Stop being so grumpy." Dib said and nuzzled his nose into Zim's neck. 

Zim clicked his tongue. "I'm not 'grumpy.'" Zim sulked and turned his head the other way. 

"Kiss me." Dib ordered.

"No." Zim replied playfully. 

"No scratching or fighting, just nice and sweet." Dib pushed Zim down onto his back and ever so lightly kissed Zim's chin.

"No!" Zim giggled against his will – he hated that Dib discovered he is ticklish so he bit Dib's nose.

"That's my precious boy." Dib cooed nasally.

"Shut up, I hate it when you talk like that!" Zim complained, although his face was starting to flush blue from Dib's attention.

"I know, that's why I do it." Dib replied and started peeling off Zim's uniform. "Booshibooshibooshi." Dib said and kissed Zim's stomach.

"What the fuck was that?" Zim growled.

"It's called 'baby talk'." Dib snickered, running his greedy hands all over Zim's torso.

"Irk damnit, Dib-tease, stop being cutesey or I'll bite off your – " 

Their make-our session was interrupted by a strong knock on the front door. 

They both stopped what they were doing and looked at each other. They were in the middle of nowhere and no one was supposed to know where they were, who would be knocking at their door?

They stood up, straightened out their clothes and went to answer the door. 

"Hiya buddies! My name's Keef, we're going to be neighbors!" A bouncy red-headed young man screamed as soon as they had opened the door. Dib flinched at his squeaky voice and Zim glared at him in displeasure. "My house is right there!" Keef pointed to a small cottage just a few yards away, beaming.

"Was that house there before?" Dib asked, surprised.

"No!" Keef yelled and held his hand out to Zim. "I hear you're an alien - this is going to be so much fun!" He yelled his head off. Zim smacked Keef's hand away and slammed the door in his face. 

"Oh I understand, you need some time to settle in. I'll see you tomorrow." Keef said from the other side of the door. "You're going to love being neighbors!" The red-head skipped away happily back to his house.

"Does this mean there's going to be a sequel?" Dib asked. 

"I'unno." Zim replied. "Let's go fuck."

"Okay!" Dib responded. And then they did.

 

The end (or is it?) dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn


End file.
